[ he feels so fucking pathetic, but he knows he deserves to feel that too. what he did was absolutely fucking pathetic. ]

I didn't think I could manage without it. I thought... that there'd be something I couldn't fucking handle and I'd need it. And then that time came and I was fucking terrified, thinking about Dick and the Titans and what could have happened. And what would happen if I had to go back.

I remembered what it felt like when I left San Fransisco. When I went back to Gotham. When I left Bruce. I didn't want feel that again. I freaked out. I really fucking freaked out and I'm sorry. Fuck.