[She says softly and because she can't stand the way he goes to touch and her and then stops she sits up further despite the pain in her back and takes hold of his hand gently, tugging at him to come closer to one side of her bed.]
Jason, stop. Come here. Please? I wanted you to visit me, I wouldn't have texted you if I hadn't wanted to see you.
[ his head tells him to pull away when she takes hold of his hand. to just turn around and go. but his heart won't let him. still, he hesitates, but then he can't resist moving closer when she asks him to, his eyes downcast. ]
You don't need this.
[Dick was right.]
You need to rest, okay? You shouldn't have to think or worry about anything but getting better.
[he goes quiet, because she pulls that whole thing again where she decides what she needs, even it might not be the best thing. but he isn't going to push it because how the fuck would he know better than she does?
he doesn't. not by a long shot.
so he stays, and stays quiet, swallowing hard when her thumb runs over the back of his hand, soothing him.
she needs to see him, to talk to him. he's here. at least for now he's here.]
I'm here.
But that doesn't mean I know. I don't know what I am.
[She's glad that they're both a bit calmer now although she wishes she could help take away the sad lost look in his eyes.]
You're a kind, wonderful young man who.....
[She pauses, her heart suddenly fluttering in her chest and she takes a breath.]
Who I care about. And if you want to leave the Tower because you aren't happy here then I won't stop you, but please don't leave here just because you think you've made a mistake or because of me.
[his heart flutters too, in a sad, painful way. he doesn't know if he wants to hear her say those things about him, and yet he craves to hear more. he's so fucked up.
she was there in his bedroom too though, wasn't she. kissing him, holding him, telling him he felt good. it wasn't one sided.
but she doesn't feel the same way as he does either and that's not even what any of this should be about. he's here to learn from Dick, or at least just figure out what they're gonna do with him if Bruce doesn't want him anymore. he's not here to fuck up people's lives and yet...]
I just think maybe we need some space from each other. I... I just need to fix this.
[Her lower lip trembles for a second and she inhales sharply, not liking the way her heart suddenly aches at the idea of there being space between them. But what did she expect? He's right, they need some space so that she can figure things out with Hank and he can focus on the real reason why he's here. It's not for her, it's to learn, and she lets out a long shaky breath, dropping her gaze and nodding.]
Okay. I'm going to leave then, you stay.
[She says, hating how badly that even now she still can't seem to let go of his hand.]
You can't leave. Not yet. You need to stay here and rest and Dick needs to make sure you're able to stand and walk when the time comes. Your family is here.
[she needs to stay. he's the one who can come and go. he's the one who needs to fix this.]
I wasn't ever gonna stay here anyway and I talked to Bruce, he wants me to come back. I can go there and be Robin again, just like I want.
[if Bruce doesn't want him back he can find his own way. he'll figure it out just like he's been doing all his life.
he hesitates, then moves forward. she's already caressing his hand, what more does she possibly think a hug is going to do?]
[When he moves forward she uses their linked hands to guide his arm around her, letting go so she can slip both her arms around his waist and hug herself against him, leaning her head into the crook of his neck. She hates all of this, hates that somehow one moment between them is forcing one of them leave.]
I don't want you to leave.
[She whispers, her breath hitching a little as she hugs him tightly.]
[ he moves his arms around her easily, hugging her close, but so carefully. he doesn't want her to hurt anymore. he doesn't want to see her crying again either, but that's all he seems to be able to make her do. ]
I have to.
[he says quietly, closing his eyes as he lets his fingers slide through her hair.]
I have to, cause I think I'm in love with you, and I know that I can't be. I'm sorry.
His words wash over her and she tightens her grip on him, her heart rate spiking and something inside of her flutters again, like the wings of an injured dove.]
Please don't apologize for that...you shouldn't ever have to apologize for loving someone.
[She says and nuzzles her face deeper into his neck, breathing in his scent, savoring it along with his warmth and the feeling of him being with her. He feels so good and every time she thinks about letting go it makes her ache, she wants him around, she wants to see him smile, she wants to hold him like this all the time....and...]
Especially when that someone might be feeling similar things.
[ it's almost overwhelming when she tightens her grip on him, pulling him into a deeper hug. all he wants to do is hold her and be with her, and make all of this better. ]
I know, but it's...
[he trails off, because he doesn't want to say that it's fucked up out loud. he doesn't want it to be fucked up. but how can it not be when she's still with someone else, and this thing between them was never supposed to happen. this isn't who he is, and they can never be together, he knows that.
but then...]
What?
[it aches to pull away from her, but he does, just a little bit so he can see her face.]
[She looks up into his eyes, those beautiful emotional eyes of his and is silent for a long moment as her heart confirms what she just said out loud. She doesn't know if it's love just yet but she knows now that what she feels for him is beyond friendship, there's something about him that makes her feel alive, excited, and fully cherished and she wants to do the same for him.]
[ he doesn't even know what to say to that for a long moment. just hearing it is a shock. it's a lot, but it curls around his heart and blossoms, and he can't help the soft look that washed over his face.
there's even a small smile that touches the corners of his lips, right before he looks down. ]
...Oh.
[this makes things a hell of a lot more complicated and maybe even terrible, but right now it's hard for him to feel any of that anymore. he can't help it. it makes the ache lessen. it makes him happy, even though he knows it shouldn't.]
[That little smile of his, it's everything and she utters a small breathless laugh and brings one of her hands up to cup his cheek.]
Yeah, yeah I do. I thought that it would be obvious when I threw myself in the line of fire for you, but I guess not. Do you need a bigger clue Jason? Do you want me to write a huge sign and put it on the golden gate bridge?
[She's teasing him and it feels good, and soft, and wonderful. All because of that little smile.]
[ his smile grows a little more when her hand slides along his skin to cup his cheek, and he looks at her again. ]
I mean, we're Titans. That's kinda what we do.
[how's he supposed to leave now? how's he supposed to go away, knowing she has feeling for him too? she shouldn't, and he shouldn't either, but...fuck it, his heart is telling him. she has feelings for him too, and he's so easily swept up and away by them.]
I don't need grand gestures, though. It's the little things that count.
Good, cause the last thing I ever want is for you to get hurt.
[they're so close again. too close, and he can feel his heart beat speeding up. there's no way he could ever stop these intense feelings if he stayed here.
he knows they still have to figure this out, but right now he stupidly wants to get lost in these feelings. god, he's always so stupid, and so is his heart.]
Felt good to kick their asses. Felt fucking amazing all up until that last part.
[They're too close and if anyone were to walk in they would instantly know what's between them but she doesn't care, she feels too happy to care. This moment is for them and them alone and she's not about to let it get spoiled by fear, they've both felt too much of that in the past 24 hours.]
You did so good.
[He was more than good out there, he was a hero and she feels so proud of him.]
[ he's definitely smiling now, her praise making him feel all warm inside. or maybe it's that they're so close. probably both, because he likes both things a lot, and he's definitely letting himself get caught up in it. but why the hell not? she's smiling, even though she's hurt, and he's feeling good right now. ]
Hey, I am not. I'm just good at what I do.
[there's a slightly cocky hint to his tone, before he lets out a soft laugh.]
[ it's good that she likes it, cause sometimes it comes out in droves. he's not doing it to hide anything right now, though. he just feels a little better about things. about himself, and maybe this thing they've got going on- whatever it is. ]
Okay.
[he lets out a soft breath, looking down at her lips when her hand moves into his hair. fuck, this is how they got in trouble last time. he licks his lips, then pulls back away from her forehead so he can really look at her.]
So here's the thing... I really wanna kiss you, but... I'm not the kinda guy who just goes around kissing people. People who are with someone else. I feel so fucking guilty about last time, Dawn. It's tearing me apart.
If you're not with him then you need to tell him that. I don't wanna be that kinda person, ok? But I don't wanna push you to do anything either, because I don't know... I don't know what this is, or what it can be. I don't even know if we should.
[She lets out a soft sigh but doesn't remove the hand in his hair, instead she pulls it through his tangle of curls and then does it again, smoothing it back as she nods.]
I don't know what this is either I just know that I want it and I want you, Jason. You make me feel....
[She pauses and then clears her throat, forcing herself to get back on track and not lost in his eyes.]
But you're right. I don't want to kiss you if it makes you feel torn up like that. I'll deal with Hank.
[ he reaches up and pushes her hair back, tucking it behind her ear, leaving his hand there to caress he cheek with his thumb. he lets out a soft, shaky breath, but it's a happy one. she wants him. ]
Just think about it, okay? Do what's right for you. I don't want you to rush this and then feel like you made a big mistake. I'm not... I'm not someone you should give things up for.
[The fact that he is urging her not to rush and to do what's right for her only helps cement her feelings for him and she smiles and leans her face into his hand.]
I fully disagree with that statement.
[She says and lifts her eyes to look into his.]
I know I can't kiss you but can you stay for a while longer? And hold me?
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[She says softly and because she can't stand the way he goes to touch and her and then stops she sits up further despite the pain in her back and takes hold of his hand gently, tugging at him to come closer to one side of her bed.]
Jason, stop. Come here. Please?
I wanted you to visit me, I wouldn't have texted you if I hadn't wanted to see you.
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You don't need this.
[Dick was right.]
You need to rest, okay? You shouldn't have to think or worry about anything but getting better.
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[She says softly, grateful that he doesn't just pull away and leave and when he gets close enough she runs her thumb over the back of his hand.]
And right now I really to see you, to talk to you.
You belong here Jason, watching you in action tonight....you're supposed to be here. You're a Titan.
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he doesn't. not by a long shot.
so he stays, and stays quiet, swallowing hard when her thumb runs over the back of his hand, soothing him.
she needs to see him, to talk to him. he's here. at least for now he's here.]
I'm here.
But that doesn't mean I know. I don't know what I am.
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You're a kind, wonderful young man who.....
[She pauses, her heart suddenly fluttering in her chest and she takes a breath.]
Who I care about. And if you want to leave the Tower because you aren't happy here then I won't stop you, but please don't leave here just because you think you've made a mistake or because of me.
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she was there in his bedroom too though, wasn't she. kissing him, holding him, telling him he felt good. it wasn't one sided.
but she doesn't feel the same way as he does either and that's not even what any of this should be about. he's here to learn from Dick, or at least just figure out what they're gonna do with him if Bruce doesn't want him anymore. he's not here to fuck up people's lives and yet...]
I just think maybe we need some space from each other. I... I just need to fix this.
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It's not for her, it's to learn, and she lets out a long shaky breath, dropping her gaze and nodding.]
Okay. I'm going to leave then, you stay.
[She says, hating how badly that even now she still can't seem to let go of his hand.]
I.....can I hug you goodbye?
[She asks weakly and then shakes her head.]
No...fuck, I'm sorry I shouldn't ask that.
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[she needs to stay. he's the one who can come and go. he's the one who needs to fix this.]
I wasn't ever gonna stay here anyway and I talked to Bruce, he wants me to come back. I can go there and be Robin again, just like I want.
[if Bruce doesn't want him back he can find his own way. he'll figure it out just like he's been doing all his life.
he hesitates, then moves forward. she's already caressing his hand, what more does she possibly think a hug is going to do?]
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I don't want you to leave.
[She whispers, her breath hitching a little as she hugs him tightly.]
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I have to.
[he says quietly, closing his eyes as he lets his fingers slide through her hair.]
I have to, cause I think I'm in love with you, and I know that I can't be. I'm sorry.
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His words wash over her and she tightens her grip on him, her heart rate spiking and something inside of her flutters again, like the wings of an injured dove.]
Please don't apologize for that...you shouldn't ever have to apologize for loving someone.
[She says and nuzzles her face deeper into his neck, breathing in his scent, savoring it along with his warmth and the feeling of him being with her. He feels so good and every time she thinks about letting go it makes her ache, she wants him around, she wants to see him smile, she wants to hold him like this all the time....and...]
Especially when that someone might be feeling similar things.
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I know, but it's...
[he trails off, because he doesn't want to say that it's fucked up out loud. he doesn't want it to be fucked up. but how can it not be when she's still with someone else, and this thing between them was never supposed to happen. this isn't who he is, and they can never be together, he knows that.
but then...]
What?
[it aches to pull away from her, but he does, just a little bit so he can see her face.]
...What do you mean?
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I have feelings for you.
[She admits softly.]
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there's even a small smile that touches the corners of his lips, right before he looks down. ]
...Oh.
[this makes things a hell of a lot more complicated and maybe even terrible, but right now it's hard for him to feel any of that anymore. he can't help it. it makes the ache lessen. it makes him happy, even though he knows it shouldn't.]
You do?
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Yeah, yeah I do. I thought that it would be obvious when I threw myself in the line of fire for you, but I guess not. Do you need a bigger clue Jason? Do you want me to write a huge sign and put it on the golden gate bridge?
[She's teasing him and it feels good, and soft, and wonderful. All because of that little smile.]
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I mean, we're Titans. That's kinda what we do.
[how's he supposed to leave now? how's he supposed to go away, knowing she has feeling for him too? she shouldn't, and he shouldn't either, but...fuck it, his heart is telling him. she has feelings for him too, and he's so easily swept up and away by them.]
I don't need grand gestures, though. It's the little things that count.
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[She says with a little laugh and uses the hand on his cheek to bring his face closer to hers, resting her forehead against his.]
You were amazing by the way, out there. Fighting those guys.
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[they're so close again. too close, and he can feel his heart beat speeding up. there's no way he could ever stop these intense feelings if he stayed here.
he knows they still have to figure this out, but right now he stupidly wants to get lost in these feelings. god, he's always so stupid, and so is his heart.]
Felt good to kick their asses. Felt fucking amazing all up until that last part.
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You did so good.
[He was more than good out there, he was a hero and she feels so proud of him.]
Top of the class, A+....
[She says and then smiles at him.]
Teacher's pet.
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Hey, I am not. I'm just good at what I do.
[there's a slightly cocky hint to his tone, before he lets out a soft laugh.]
...Guess that means I should probably stay, huh?
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[Oh that cocky little tone of his, it drives most people insane but ever since she first met him it's made her smile and it does the same now.]
You better.
[She says and lets the hand on his cheek move up into his hair, tangling her fingers up in his curls.]
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Okay.
[he lets out a soft breath, looking down at her lips when her hand moves into his hair. fuck, this is how they got in trouble last time. he licks his lips, then pulls back away from her forehead so he can really look at her.]
So here's the thing... I really wanna kiss you, but... I'm not the kinda guy who just goes around kissing people. People who are with someone else. I feel so fucking guilty about last time, Dawn. It's tearing me apart.
If you're not with him then you need to tell him that. I don't wanna be that kinda person, ok? But I don't wanna push you to do anything either, because I don't know... I don't know what this is, or what it can be. I don't even know if we should.
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I don't know what this is either I just know that I want it and I want you, Jason. You make me feel....
[She pauses and then clears her throat, forcing herself to get back on track and not lost in his eyes.]
But you're right. I don't want to kiss you if it makes you feel torn up like that. I'll deal with Hank.
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Just think about it, okay? Do what's right for you. I don't want you to rush this and then feel like you made a big mistake. I'm not... I'm not someone you should give things up for.
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I fully disagree with that statement.
[She says and lifts her eyes to look into his.]
I know I can't kiss you but can you stay for a while longer? And hold me?
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