dawn_is_breaking | Overflow Threads

[everyone has always been relieved when he's left, so it's really nothing new. even so it always hurt, but now he gets it. it doesn't hurt anymore. deep down he wants himself gone too.]

It's all I've wanted to know since I got here.

[he says quietly, looking at her.]

Don't. You have your reasons. I feel like a fucking terrible person for asking you to do this.

[He would probably find it strange to know that now, even after everything that has happened, there's one person who wouldn't be relieved if he left. Would be rather upset in fact, and that's part of the reason Dawn is scared to call Dick. She doesn't want Dick or the Titans to somehow find out that Jason is here because it could drive him away, make him feel like he has to escape again.]

Tomorrow we'll both find out.

[And maybe they can both get some kind of closure from it, knowing that everyone is safe and that Crane is dead or back behind bars. Maybe then they can move forward with....whatever it is they are doing here together.]

You're not terrible, and if it helps you then I'll willing to do it.

Yeah, we will.

[Dick is alive, at least he knows that much. everyone else... he's nervous. he was trying to kill them and now all he wants is for them to be alright.

maybe they'll find closure, maybe the news will be bad. but at least they'll know.]

Thanks.

[She gives him a small smile and nods, picking up her plate again and slowly finishing her slices of pizza. Once she's done she puts her plate on the little coffee table and sinks back against the couch, thinking about what she should say to Dick. She certainly can't just call him up and be like 'hey, how's it going? are things still awful in Gotham? by the way, did anyone else die?']

[maybe he's being a coward, asking Dawn to call Dick. he called him earlier and couldn't say a damn thing. but how could he? Dawn is their friend. she can talk to them. Jason knows he's nothing. not anymore.

hell, they even think he killed that kid Tim.

he finishes his food quietly as well, sitting back. he doesn't have it in him to try and make small talk. his stomach is in knots now, thinking about what Dick is going to say.

and if they're struggling, if Crane is still out there hurting people, if Gotham is still sick with toxin, should he go back? can he even go back at this point? he drags his fingers through his hair, lowering his head down into his hands. he won't know anything until tomorrow.]

[The rest of their evening is a quiet one, each of them mulling over their own thoughts and worries and when they say goodnight to one another it's a little awkward what with the memory of their earlier slumber together still hanging over them. As she lays in her bed, awake and anxious, she can still smell him on the sheets and twice she almost gets up to go see him in the living room, but both times she chickens out. Instead she tosses and turns till about 4am when finally she falls into a thin troubled sleep.

She wakes up around 9am and already knows that Jason is awake as well as there's no way he slept any better than she did, she gets up and throws on some clothes and goes out to the kitchen to make them some tea. She said she would call after breakfast but she knows there's no way she's going to be able to keep anything down, not when her stomach is in so many knots.]

[ Jason didn't mean to turn the night into this, when they had other things on their mind. but maybe this is more important. maybe these are the things that need to be addressed first. Jason can't move on when all of this is lingering in the air between them.

he doesn't sleep. not even a little bit. he's fearful, nervous, angry, sad. there are drugs in his bag that he knows would help take care of all of that, and as the sun rises on a sleepless night, that fear of what Dick will say comes creeping in hard and fast. he doesn't know if he can stand this. he doesn't think he can do this.

weak, his head tells him. he's so fucking weak. Bruce thought so, so did Crane. how did he ever think he could prove otherwise? and now, he wants so badly for Dawn to find out what he left behind, but he's scared shitless and he can't take it.

by the time Dawn is up and around, Jason is up on the roof, drugs in his system, inhaler in his hand. it's different here, like this. it's different to feel nothing when there's no one whispering evil plans into his ear. it's his own head telling him things now. what would he do if he didn't feel fear? it's why he's sitting on the edge of the roof, head fuzzy and blank, because nothing else matters anymore but this. ]

[Dawn is still a bit sleepy so she doesn't notice that Jason isn't in the living room until she brings in the tea and sees the empty couch, her brows crease together and she sets down the pot and immediately heads to the rooftop. Telling herself that the awful feeling in her stomach is just nerves, he's probably feeling the same thing and went up to the roof to stretch and watch the sun rise.

And yet that feeling doesn't go away, it gets worse as she climbs up the steps and opens the door.]

Jason?

[She calls out softly and when she spots him, sitting on the edge of the roof, her heart clenches in fear because even before he turns around she knows something is wrong.]

[ it takes a moment for her voice to register. someone is calling out his name, and it takes him a few long seconds to even turn his head to glance her way.

Dawn.

oh, she's going to hate him. if she doesn't hate him already. but none of that really matters right now either. he turns his head away from her again so he can look forward... lean forward... look down. ]

I couldn't do it the first time. I was too scared. Dick showed up and he stopped me, and then he never talked to me again. Everyone hated me and I felt so afraid. I wasn't gonna let myself feel that afraid again.

[His eyes are not his own, she can see that right away and she feels like she's suddenly being tumbled back in time when she looks into those murky colored eyes. Only this time it isn't up to her to save Hank it's up to her to save Jason.]

Jason, please don't do that.

[She says, inhaling sharply when he leans forward. Her heart is hammering in her chest and she takes a few cautious steps towards him.]

I'm sorry that you felt like that, and we can talk about it, but I need you to come down off the ledge. Please?

What the fuck does it matter?

[it comes out agitated, and he leaves the inhaler next to him as he lifts his arm to wipe at his forehead, beads of sweat all along his skin from how this make him feel.]

It doesn't matter. This'll fix everything. I always knew that it would, but I was too fucking weak to do anything about it. All this time, and for what? They'd all be alive if I had just had the guts to go through with it the first time.

This time he isn't here. This time Dick will be relieved that I'm gone.

It matters to me.

[Her eyes flicker to the inhaler and then back to his face and she takes another step towards him.]

Please don't do this, the Titans are probably fine and even if they aren't I don't want you to kill yourself. I've already had two people I care about die, I can't take it a third time.
Especially if it's you.

[She holds out her hand to him.]

Jason, please. I need you.

[ he can't help but laugh when she says that it matters to her. he laughs, then looks at her again like she's crazy. ]

Why? You know that's fucking crazy, right? I killed people. I set them up and kidnapped their kids and let them die. They were innocent. They were all innocent, even Hank.

Jumping off this roof'll be the least crazy thing I've ever done. You don't need me. No one needs me. Just think about how good it'll be when I'm finally gone.

[he looks down at her hand, and his crazed smile cracks a little as he shakes his head.]

No.

Jason, please.... I need you. You're the only thing that makes me feel anything anymore.

[She says, her voice cracking.]

I don't want this. I want you to stay with me here, be with me. It sounds crazy and fucked but I care about you.
A lot.

[ his crazed smile disappears as quickly as it appeared, and he just stares at the hand being held out to him. it feels so out of reach. everything feels out of reach.]

How can I make you feel anything? I'm nothing.

You're not nothing. Not to me!

[She says, her eyes locking onto his desperately.]

You make me feel beautiful and happy, and alive.

[She can feel tears starting to course down her cheeks.]

Jason, please.

[ inside his head, he's still there, practically screaming and begging for her to take hold of him. but even with all her words she doesn't. he's still looking down at her hand though, not locking eyes with hers, and it's hard for him to hear what she's saying when his head is so fuzzy. when he feels like he knows what he needs to do. ]

I can't. I can't. I never could.

[he finally tears his gaze away from her hand and looks over the edge of the building again, sliding himself forward.]

[She's always been fast and now she's praying that she's going to be fast enough, the second he starts to look over the edge she breaks into a run, closing the distance between them quickly.]

No!

[She cries out and clamps one hand on his wrist, the other grabs a handful of the back of his hoodie and she pitches herself backwards, dragging him with her. She might not be very large or heavy but luckily she's got gravity on her side.

When they land together against the cold concrete she grunts in pain, feeling his full weight slam against her but she doesn't let that stop her, she rolls them both over and winds up on top.]

Don't you dare tell me what I do or don't feel!

[She yells down into his face, suddenly angry as well as scared.]

[ it happens fast and slow at the same time. the drugs in his system seem to slow everything down, but one second he's falling forward and the next he's being pulled back very intensely, a dull pain moving through his body at every defining point.

he grunts as well, and then he's on the ground, his head slamming into the ground enough to clarify him just for a moment as she moves on top of him.

he looks up at her with wide eyes, his heartbeat picking up suddenly as he tries to catch his breath. there are drugs in his system, trying to pull him under as they always have, but he's trying to see her. he's trying. ]

Dawn....

You asshole!!

[She yells at him through her tears, grabbing the collar of his hoodie and giving him a hard shake.]

I can forgive you for Hank because it wasn't just you, Crane had a hand in that, but I won't forgive you for killing yourself! Not when you can stop it!

[ he hates these drugs. he fucking hates them. he feels like he can take on the world but they coil in his gut so deeply, upending his insides. they don't fix his head, they don't fix anything. they just twist inside of him and pull him apart until he feels nothing. until he's nothing.

he was something before, though. he was something, wasn't he? ]

I'm trying... I'm trying! I'm fucking trying!

[he can feel tears. they're his tears, even if the drugs are telling him they mean nothing. it doesn't matter. he doesn't matter. but he does, because she's telling him he does, and he's trying so hard to hold on to that.]

[There's a glimmer of the actual Jason in his eyes when his tears start to fall, she sees it struggling to make it through that awful murky fog and she hauls him up. Wrapping her arms around his neck tightly, hugging him against her.]

Fuck! What do I do? Jason, tell me. How do I stop the drug?

[Her shoulders ache from where she landed on the ground but she doesn't loosen her grip on him, she'll cling to him like a harpy if she has to in order to stop him from getting on the ledge again.]

[ her arms go around him so tightly, holding on to him for dear life and he slowly, sluggishly moves his arms around her too. he wants to stay here. he doesn't want to be on that edge. ]

I don't know. I never could. Just stay with me. Just be here with me.

I'm not going anywhere.

[She whispers fiercely, one of her hands moving up to dig itself into his hair.]

I won't leave you. I promise.

I'm sorry... I'm sorry.

[he holds on tighter, burying his face into her neck. everything feels so strange, so displaced. the space around him seems to be spinning and he knows he's feeling things, but it's so hard to feel them. he feels like he's breaking away from his body again.]

I'm scared. I just want this to stop. Just knock me out and make it fucking stop... please.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

ooc: figured we would skip ahead a little to the next morning

sorry Dawn ;_;

ohhh nooooo!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject