[ he doesn't see it that way. he knows what people think about him and now even more so. they have every right to think shitty of him though and he knows that too.
he looks at her, then nods and takes his hand back so he can dismantle the inhaler. he doesn't hesitate any longer, dumping it down the drain, then tosses the rest in the trash. and he's done.
he's done.
he lets out a shaky breath, his shoulders dropping. ]
[ he moves into her arms, feeling... he's not really sure what he's feeling now. relief but also fear. freedom but also uncertainty.
the thing is, her arms are wrapped around him and her fingers are moving through his hair, and it makes him feel like even with that fear and uncertainty, he won't be stuck with it. he won't be held in it. there's something else here. ]
[They stand like that for a long time, her holding and hugging him. Giving comfort but also taking it because she knows what they have to do next and she also feels uncertain about it. But it has to get done and eventually she pulls away, taking his hand again and nodding towards the couch.]
Okay. Let's get this call done and then I swear we don't have to do anything for the rest of the day except sleep and ice each other.
[Once they are seated on the couch she takes out her phone and scrolls till she finds Dick's personal number and before she can second guess herself she hits the number and then speaker phone. It takes a few rings and then a familiar voice comes on the line.]
Hello?
[She swallows hard, trying to fight against the flurry of emotions that are trying to rise up.]
[ it's good to stand here like this with each other. they both desperately need it. maybe this really is the craziest shit ever, and anyone who knows them would condemn them for it, but they might be the only two people who would ever understand each other in this way. Jason's grateful for it. ]
Sounds good.
[he says quietly, and then he goes to sit on the couch. he keeps himself a distance away, curling in on himself a little when she calls Dick. hearing his voice again feels like a twist to his heart, but again he's relieved to hear it.
still, his heart hammers in his chest and he brings his legs up onto the couch as if that can somehow shield himself away from Dick knowing that he's here. there's no way he'll know, he reminds himself. this is the furthest place in the world they'd imagine that he'd be.]
[There's always a familiar ache in her heart when she hears him say her name like that, when she hears him drop the business like tone he usually has and can hear real warmth instead.]
It's good to hear from you, I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner but things have been busy.
[Ah and here's another old ache, along with the age old Dick Grayson line because he's always too busy to pick up the phone. Always too busy to reach out to the people he cares about. Normally she wouldn't want to talk about it but she needs to, Jason needs her to and she crosses her arms under her breasts. Holding herself tightly while she tries to stay in control.]
[ Dick sounds... alright. he doesn't sound quiet or withdrawn, or sad. he doesn't have that tone he always used to have with Jason. there's a familiar ache inside Jason too.
busy, Dick says and that could mean a number of things. Jason's scared to hear it, but he knows he needs to stay and listen. Dawn is doing this for him, after all. ]
[There's a heavy sigh from Dick and a long pause before he speaks again.]
Yeah. We weren't so sure for a while but it's under control now.
Is everyone okay?
Yeah we're all fine.
[She breathes a sigh of relief and before Dick can change the subject she asks:]
What about Crane?
Locked up. Look Dawn, I didn't want to bring this up and I'm not trying to worry you but....it looks like Jason took off out of Gotham.
[Dawn's eyes flicker over to Jason on the couch.]
You think he cut and ran?
Yeah, I think....I dunno, I think he finally realized he was being used and took off. We don't know where he went but I thought I'd mention it to you, just in case.
[ it feels almost surreal. Dick is on the phone talking to Dawn, telling her that they're okay. everyone's fine and Crane is locked up. they got him. they fucking got him, and Jason can feel it now. he's closer to being free.
but then Dick mentions him and he tenses up so hard, his eyes going slightly wide as he watches Dawn, stares at the phone as if Dick might pop out of it to grab him. but he doesn't, and he sounds like he really doesn't know what happened to him. Jason tries to keep his breathing slow and steady and very quiet.
they don't know. they can't know. Gotham is ok, the Titans are alright and everything's gonna be fine he tells himself over and over again. ]
[ Dick asks if she's okay, but he doesn't mention Jason again and that's a relief. that's really it. it's all he knows.
when Dawn looks at him and say that things are getting better, he finally looks down. Dick would lose his absolute mind if he knew- but he doesn't, and maybe things can start to get better.
he realizes then that this might be the last time he ever really hears Dick's voice. Jason wishes he could talk to him one last time, but he knows he can't. and he shouldn't. it's good for them that he just disappeared into the ether. they can move on freely and forget about him and maybe heal until he's nothing. nothing but a distant, painful memory that they'll try not to think of again.
it's then that he can't take it anymore and he gets up quietly, wiping at his eyes as he ducks away to the bedroom.
they're okay, and it's done. it's all over. that life is over. ]
That's good to hear, and look I know I haven't always been great at reaching out but you know that if you need anything you can always call.
[She barely hears Dick as she watches Jason get up and quietly take off for the bedroom, her eyes worried but she can't just hang up on him as that would be pretty suspicious.]
Yeah...thank you Dick.
Oh hey, I've got some good news for you....
Oh?
Donna's back.
What??
[After a long and quiet conversation with Dick about Donna's return from the dead they say their goodbyes and Dawn hangs up, she feels like she's been hit in the back of the head with a brick with that news and she enters her bedroom looking confused and exhausted.]
[Jason sits on Dawn's bed, head in his hands. it's alright, he tells himself. this is what he was hoping for. it's all a good thing. it still hurts though.
it hurts badly and he thinks of all those drugs he just dumped away. that life is over too. whatever this one is, it's away from everything he's ever known. the only thing he has left is Dawn, and even that's not something he should think about in that way. she'll heal and move on eventually too, and then he'll be alone again. the way it seems he's meant to be.
he hopes it'll be different for Dick and the Titans, even though he took something away from them. different for Dawn too. she deserves so much more than any of this.
when she comes into the bedroom he quickly wipes his eyes again and looks up at her.]
Hey... thank you. Sorry, I... I was starting to lose it and I didn't want to make any sounds.
[She nods and sits down next to him, she's silent for a long moment before leaning her head against his shoulder and letting out a long shuddering sigh.]
Can we lay down together?
[Her tone is almost pleading as she can feel how exhausted her entire body is and even though she knows they said they would clean up and ice each other's wounds she just can't find the energy to care.]
[ this was hard for her too, he knows it. they should be happy about all of this though, shouldn't they? it was all good news and he hasn't even heard about Donna yet. wonderful news, and yet all they can feel is exhausted.
they wouldn't understand. he understands. ]
Yeah.
[he says without a second thought. so much has happened this morning already, and he just wants this day to be over. or to start over. or maybe just to lay here with her and let it all sink in.
he moves with her, pushing the covers back and gets into bed, tugging her with him. he leaves it up to her to decide how she wants to lay, though. that part will always be whatever she feels more comfortable with.]
[Maybe they can be happy about all of this later, when they have the emotional bandwidth to fully realize that things can get better and move forward, but for right now all she wants is to rest and not move. The covers feel soft and inviting and his gentle tug is all the invitation she needs to lower herself down on top of him, him laying on his back and her draped across his chest.
She sighs and shifts closer, nestling her head in the crook of his shoulder and chest, her hair spilling out across him as she wraps an arm around his waist. Hugging him.]
[ this is a relief too- having her lay against him like this. it makes him feel like he isn't drifting away. like he isn't falling off that roof. at least for now, he isn't going to be completely forgotten.
he shifts around a little to make things comfortable, sliding his arms around her just the same, and burying his face in against her head. ]
Thank you. I couldn't have done any of this without you.
[he says quietly, dropping a soft, hopefully comforting kiss against her hair.]
[The feeling of his arms sliding around her helps ground her a little bit more and her lips curve up into a small smile when she feels him kiss her head.]
I can say the same thing to you.
[She says softly.]
I meant what I said to Dick, things are getting better and that's because of you. I know you find it hard to believe but you're helping me just as much I'm helping you, Jason.
[ her words leave him quiet for a long moment, because he does find it very hard to believe, but if he really lets himself, he can see it. he can feel it. they haven't exactly been terrible for each other. ]
[ is he okay? he doesn't know. he's trying to be okay too. for now he just squeezes her back and answers the second part of that question. ]
Incredibly fucking relieved. I thought... that maybe I'd have to go back and finish him. But they did it. They got him, and they're all okay. It's over.
[She feels a tightening sensation in his chest when he says that he was worried that he would have to go back and finish Crane and she tries not to clutch him tighter, it's okay she tells herself, Crane is locked up and Jason doesn't have to go anywhere.]
Yeah.
[Over. It feels strange to hear but he's right, things have settled back down to the usual level of danger for the Titans which leaves her and Jason free to be....something else.]
[ this is what he had been wishing to hear. daring to hope for. he left, and everything was fixable. everything turned out okay. he took the poison away.
and he brought it here instead and that scares him, but he's selfish. he wants to be here right now. ]
It's good. That he said I disappeared and that was it. They're done with me. It's good.
[She nods, although part of her will probably still worry about Dick continuing to look for Jason, he tends to hate loose ends but hopefully some other Titans business will pop up and he'll let it go.]
I guess this means we can both relax.
[She says and then chuckles softly because what a strange concept that is.]
[ Jason knows for a fact that Dick won't look for him. the first time he was up on a rooftop, Dick had to talk him down off the ledge, and then he left and Dick never reached out to him again before he died. he knows Dick won't look for him.
it's good that she laughs because it's all very painful, but that gets him to let out a soft laugh as well, rubbing at his eyes. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 03:43 am (UTC)he looks at her, then nods and takes his hand back so he can dismantle the inhaler. he doesn't hesitate any longer, dumping it down the drain, then tosses the rest in the trash. and he's done.
he's done.
he lets out a shaky breath, his shoulders dropping. ]
That's it. It's all gone.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 03:55 am (UTC)Good.
[She says and then gently gathers him in her arms, hugging him tightly.]
You're free.
[She says, running her hands through his hair.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 06:22 am (UTC)the thing is, her arms are wrapped around him and her fingers are moving through his hair, and it makes him feel like even with that fear and uncertainty, he won't be stuck with it. he won't be held in it. there's something else here. ]
Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 06:43 am (UTC)Okay. Let's get this call done and then I swear we don't have to do anything for the rest of the day except sleep and ice each other.
[Once they are seated on the couch she takes out her phone and scrolls till she finds Dick's personal number and before she can second guess herself she hits the number and then speaker phone. It takes a few rings and then a familiar voice comes on the line.]
Hello?
[She swallows hard, trying to fight against the flurry of emotions that are trying to rise up.]
Hi Dick.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 06:53 am (UTC)Sounds good.
[he says quietly, and then he goes to sit on the couch. he keeps himself a distance away, curling in on himself a little when she calls Dick. hearing his voice again feels like a twist to his heart, but again he's relieved to hear it.
still, his heart hammers in his chest and he brings his legs up onto the couch as if that can somehow shield himself away from Dick knowing that he's here. there's no way he'll know, he reminds himself. this is the furthest place in the world they'd imagine that he'd be.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 07:08 am (UTC)[There's always a familiar ache in her heart when she hears him say her name like that, when she hears him drop the business like tone he usually has and can hear real warmth instead.]
It's good to hear from you, I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner but things have been busy.
[Ah and here's another old ache, along with the age old Dick Grayson line because he's always too busy to pick up the phone. Always too busy to reach out to the people he cares about. Normally she wouldn't want to talk about it but she needs to, Jason needs her to and she crosses her arms under her breasts. Holding herself tightly while she tries to stay in control.]
Oh? Everything okay?
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 07:14 am (UTC)busy, Dick says and that could mean a number of things. Jason's scared to hear it, but he knows he needs to stay and listen. Dawn is doing this for him, after all. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 07:35 am (UTC)Yeah. We weren't so sure for a while but it's under control now.
Is everyone okay?
Yeah we're all fine.
[She breathes a sigh of relief and before Dick can change the subject she asks:]
What about Crane?
Locked up. Look Dawn, I didn't want to bring this up and I'm not trying to worry you but....it looks like Jason took off out of Gotham.
[Dawn's eyes flicker over to Jason on the couch.]
You think he cut and ran?
Yeah, I think....I dunno, I think he finally realized he was being used and took off. We don't know where he went but I thought I'd mention it to you, just in case.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 07:46 am (UTC)but then Dick mentions him and he tenses up so hard, his eyes going slightly wide as he watches Dawn, stares at the phone as if Dick might pop out of it to grab him. but he doesn't, and he sounds like he really doesn't know what happened to him. Jason tries to keep his breathing slow and steady and very quiet.
they don't know. they can't know. Gotham is ok, the Titans are alright and everything's gonna be fine he tells himself over and over again. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 07:58 am (UTC)[It's all she can safely say, because she's so scared that anymore might tip Dick off to where Jason went and who payed for his plane ticket....]
Dawn? You okay?
Yeah. I'm okay, it's just.....a big relief. I've been scared for you all but also too overwhelmed to call.
Hey, it's okay. You're processing a lot of things.
Yeah....
[Her eyes flicker back to Jason.]
Yeah I have been. I think things are getting better though.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 08:08 am (UTC)when Dawn looks at him and say that things are getting better, he finally looks down. Dick would lose his absolute mind if he knew- but he doesn't, and maybe things can start to get better.
he realizes then that this might be the last time he ever really hears Dick's voice. Jason wishes he could talk to him one last time, but he knows he can't. and he shouldn't. it's good for them that he just disappeared into the ether. they can move on freely and forget about him and maybe heal until he's nothing. nothing but a distant, painful memory that they'll try not to think of again.
it's then that he can't take it anymore and he gets up quietly, wiping at his eyes as he ducks away to the bedroom.
they're okay, and it's done. it's all over. that life is over. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 04:59 pm (UTC)[She barely hears Dick as she watches Jason get up and quietly take off for the bedroom, her eyes worried but she can't just hang up on him as that would be pretty suspicious.]
Yeah...thank you Dick.
Oh hey, I've got some good news for you....
Oh?
Donna's back.
What??
[After a long and quiet conversation with Dick about Donna's return from the dead they say their goodbyes and Dawn hangs up, she feels like she's been hit in the back of the head with a brick with that news and she enters her bedroom looking confused and exhausted.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 05:17 pm (UTC)it hurts badly and he thinks of all those drugs he just dumped away. that life is over too. whatever this one is, it's away from everything he's ever known. the only thing he has left is Dawn, and even that's not something he should think about in that way. she'll heal and move on eventually too, and then he'll be alone again. the way it seems he's meant to be.
he hopes it'll be different for Dick and the Titans, even though he took something away from them. different for Dawn too. she deserves so much more than any of this.
when she comes into the bedroom he quickly wipes his eyes again and looks up at her.]
Hey... thank you. Sorry, I... I was starting to lose it and I didn't want to make any sounds.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 05:36 pm (UTC)Can we lay down together?
[Her tone is almost pleading as she can feel how exhausted her entire body is and even though she knows they said they would clean up and ice each other's wounds she just can't find the energy to care.]
Please?
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 05:46 pm (UTC)they wouldn't understand. he understands. ]
Yeah.
[he says without a second thought. so much has happened this morning already, and he just wants this day to be over. or to start over. or maybe just to lay here with her and let it all sink in.
he moves with her, pushing the covers back and gets into bed, tugging her with him. he leaves it up to her to decide how she wants to lay, though. that part will always be whatever she feels more comfortable with.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 06:24 pm (UTC)She sighs and shifts closer, nestling her head in the crook of his shoulder and chest, her hair spilling out across him as she wraps an arm around his waist. Hugging him.]
Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 06:39 pm (UTC)he shifts around a little to make things comfortable, sliding his arms around her just the same, and burying his face in against her head. ]
Thank you. I couldn't have done any of this without you.
[he says quietly, dropping a soft, hopefully comforting kiss against her hair.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 06:51 pm (UTC)I can say the same thing to you.
[She says softly.]
I meant what I said to Dick, things are getting better and that's because of you. I know you find it hard to believe but you're helping me just as much I'm helping you, Jason.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 06:59 pm (UTC)I want to believe that. I do. I'm trying.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 07:13 pm (UTC)[She says and gives him a little squeeze.]
Are you okay? I know that wasn't easy for you either....but do you feel some relief knowing that everyone is okay and that Crane is taken care of?
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 07:23 pm (UTC)Incredibly fucking relieved. I thought... that maybe I'd have to go back and finish him. But they did it. They got him, and they're all okay. It's over.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 07:31 pm (UTC)Yeah.
[Over. It feels strange to hear but he's right, things have settled back down to the usual level of danger for the Titans which leaves her and Jason free to be....something else.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 07:39 pm (UTC)and he brought it here instead and that scares him, but he's selfish. he wants to be here right now. ]
It's good. That he said I disappeared and that was it. They're done with me. It's good.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 08:04 pm (UTC)I guess this means we can both relax.
[She says and then chuckles softly because what a strange concept that is.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-05 08:09 pm (UTC)it's good that she laughs because it's all very painful, but that gets him to let out a soft laugh as well, rubbing at his eyes. ]
Yeah. I guess that's exactly what it means.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: