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[dawn_is_breaking]

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[nomorefear]

[ Jason would be devastated if she tried it. not that he has any room to talk. he'd hate it, though. he hates all of this.

he's out for a long time. it's a combination of the drugs and being knocked out, but in the end it's for the best. when he finally wakes up much later, he's groggy, but the drugs are mostly out of his system. nothing like they were up on that roof.

he blinks his eyes open slowly, staring at the ceiling at first. he's not in Gotham. he's not in a dirty, abandoned warehouse. he's not with Crane.

there's the familiar feeling of softness around him. a couch. the smell of flowers and something very distinctly... Dawn.]

Dawn...

[he breathes out, then turns his head a little, feeling her presence.]

[dawn_is_breaking]

[He's out for a long time, so long in fact that she winds up giving in to her own exhaustion and falls asleep curled against the couch, her head resting against his shoulder. When he finally starts to stir and says her name she jerks awake, wincing at how stiff her whole body feels.]

ah! Jason!

[She says and instantly sits up to look at him, her eyes worried.]

I'm right here.

[nomorefear]

[ he can feel her head on his shoulder, and then she's up and looking at him, and he blinks at her slowly, trying to get everything to be a little less fuzzy.

fuck.

he fucked up. he realizes that now too. ]

...Hey

[dawn_is_breaking]

How are you feeling?

[She asks, reaching up to brush back his hair from his forehead.]

[nomorefear]

[ she looks worried, and he remembers. bits and pieces of it, but still. he remembers enough of it that he looks down, swallowing hard. ]

Like I fucked up. Like I really fucked up.

[dawn_is_breaking]

[She wants to tell him that it's okay but she can't bring herself to say it quite yet, instead she brushes more of his hair back and quietly asks:]

Why, Jason? Why did you bring it and why did you take it? I thought....

[She swallows, hearing an audible click on her throat.]

I thought you were done with it.

[nomorefear]

[ he feels himself start to tear up... but it's alright. it means the drugs are leaving him. it means he can feel again. it's terrible. but it's how things need to be. ]

I was scared.

[dawn_is_breaking]

What were you scared of?

[She asks, moving her hand from his hair to gently wipe away any of his tears that start to fall.]

[nomorefear]

[ he feels so fucking pathetic, but he knows he deserves to feel that too. what he did was absolutely fucking pathetic. ]

I didn't think I could manage without it. I thought... that there'd be something I couldn't fucking handle and I'd need it. And then that time came and I was fucking terrified, thinking about Dick and the Titans and what could have happened. And what would happen if I had to go back.

I remembered what it felt like when I left San Fransisco. When I went back to Gotham. When I left Bruce. I didn't want feel that again. I freaked out. I really fucking freaked out and I'm sorry. Fuck.

[dawn_is_breaking]

Shhhh.

[She soothes when she sees how much he's working himself up again and runs her hand through his hair slowly. She lets him take a moment before speaking again and when she does she tries to keep the hurt out of her voice.]

Why didn't you come get me? You could have woken me up to talk to me.

[nomorefear]

[ he closes his eyes, focusing on the way her hand moves through his hair. it's gentle and kind and a good anchor for everything he's feeling right now.

when he opens his eyes and looks at her. ]

I don't know. I... I've never been good at that shit. Talking to people, I mean. I've always been alone.

I lost my shit and I didn't think of it.

[dawn_is_breaking]

You're not alone anymore.

[She says softly, part of her feeling guilty because if she had just gone out to him in the night like she had wanted maybe he wouldn't have had to resort to this.]

[nomorefear]

[ he's quiet for a while, just looking at her when she tells him he's not alone anymore. he was up there on that roof, ready to jump, and she was there. she pulled him back. she yelled at him, telling him all the things he needed to hear and she's here now too.

there's not an ounce of judgement on her face, in her eyes.

before this, he was the most alone he's ever felt. but he's not alone anymore. ]

That wasn't me. I'm not gonna kill myself. I wouldn't leave you like that, ok? You're not alone either.

[dawn_is_breaking]

[You're not alone either.
It's just four little words but they hit her heart so hard that she utters a small choked sound as she wraps her arms around him clumsily and buries her face into his chest.

She stays like that for a long time, listening to his heart beat as a way to reassure herself that he's here and he's himself again. Eventually she pulls back, her hair a tousled mess and her eyes tired and red.]

You have to get rid of it, all of it. Okay?

[nomorefear]

[ he hugs her back- as awkward as it is, he doesn't care. he wants to hold her like this too. he needs to.

as they stay like this for a long while, he starts to feel less hazy, more awake, more like he can think again.

it's a scary thought, getting rid of all the drugs, but she's right. it has to be done. he needs to be done, once and for all. this is the end of it, right here. ]

Okay. I wanna get rid of it.

[dawn_is_breaking]

Good.

[She says and hugs him again, sighing in relief that he wants it gone as well and agrees to it so easily.]

And if you ever scare me like that again I'll kick your ass so hard, your tonsils and your testicles will be next door neighbors.

[She says with a little laugh and squeezes him tighter.]

[nomorefear]

[he'd been wanting to get rid of it for a long time, he's just never had the courage to do it by himself. but he's not alone. he doesn't have to do this alone.

he hugs her back once again, a small,watery smile on her face when she threatens his tonsils and testicles.]

Sounds completely fair.... thanks for knocking me out by the way. Does my face match my black and blue ass?

[dawn_is_breaking]

[She smiles and pulls back to look at him, a little smile on her face.]

Oh please, give me some credit. I know how to knock someone out without doing damage.

[Her eyes hold his for a moment and she's relieved to see that his are back to normal, she can see all his emotions swirling around in them again.]

Are you in pain at all though? We both hit the ground pretty hard.

[nomorefear]

Yeah? What for? I always learned how to knock everyone out to do the most damage.

[thank goodness for him, though. then again, a black eye is always a good reminder. Jason can tell what she's looking for when she looks in his eyes, though. he feels so fucking terrible for doing this to her again.]

I feel like every single part of me hurts. But it's ok. It's ok.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I fucking hurt you again.

[dawn_is_breaking]

In case of nosy civilians.

[She explains and then pauses when he apologizes, looking into his eyes she sees all of his regret and pain and she nods.]

I know you are.

[Impulsively she leans in and kisses him on the forehead.]

I accept your apology.

[nomorefear]

[the kiss to his forehead makes him smile softly. it's small, but there again. ]

Thank you.

[he closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh.]

Can we do it now? I need to get rid of it now. I've been carrying it all with me for long enough.

[not just the drugs but all the feelings associated with it as well.]

[dawn_is_breaking]

[She nods, knowing that as much as she wants to let them both rest they need to do this.]

Yes, let's do it. We'll get rid of it and then I'll call Dick.

[She gives him a small encouraging smile.]

Might as well just get everything done at once right?

[nomorefear]

[that part freaks him out still, but he sucks it up and nods. no more drugs, no more bullshit.]

Yeah. Okay. We'll get rid of it and then call Dick.

[he pushes himself up on his elbows, his whole body protesting hard, but he pushes through it and sits up the rest of the way.]

Is it still on the roof?

[dawn_is_breaking]

[She knows it still freaks him out, hell it still freaks her out a little to be finally doing it but it has to be done. Otherwise it will just keep hanging over them.]

No, I brought it down after I dragged you to the couch. I put it in the kitchen.

[She pauses and looks at his bag.]

Is there more in there?

[nomorefear]

[ he doesn't want any of this to be hanging over them anymore. he made a mistake today and he never wants to make this shitty kind of mistake again. he never wants to hurt her the way he has again.

he rubs at his face, then glances at his bag, shaking his head.]

I only brought the one. Just in case. I knew I shouldn't have but... that shit gets a hold of you. It's hard to let go.