[he'd been wanting to get rid of it for a long time, he's just never had the courage to do it by himself. but he's not alone. he doesn't have to do this alone.
he hugs her back once again, a small,watery smile on her face when she threatens his tonsils and testicles.]
Sounds completely fair.... thanks for knocking me out by the way. Does my face match my black and blue ass?
Yeah? What for? I always learned how to knock everyone out to do the most damage.
[thank goodness for him, though. then again, a black eye is always a good reminder. Jason can tell what she's looking for when she looks in his eyes, though. he feels so fucking terrible for doing this to her again.]
I feel like every single part of me hurts. But it's ok. It's ok.
[She knows it still freaks him out, hell it still freaks her out a little to be finally doing it but it has to be done. Otherwise it will just keep hanging over them.]
No, I brought it down after I dragged you to the couch. I put it in the kitchen.
[ he doesn't want any of this to be hanging over them anymore. he made a mistake today and he never wants to make this shitty kind of mistake again. he never wants to hurt her the way he has again.
he rubs at his face, then glances at his bag, shaking his head.]
I only brought the one. Just in case. I knew I shouldn't have but... that shit gets a hold of you. It's hard to let go.
[as ready as he'll ever be, and that's good enough. he takes her hand this time, unlike on the rooftop, and stands up, curling his fingers around hers.]
And then maybe once we're done with this and the phone call we can ice each other.
[When his fingers curl around hers she gives his hand a squeeze.]
I think that sounds like an excellent idea, I'm pretty sure I scraped up some stuff on my back and elbow but we can deal with all of that later.
[She lets him lead them into the kitchen and once there she takes the inhaler out from where she hid it, she holds it for a moment, looking at the strange yellow liquid before passing it to Jason.]
...Shit. I'm so fucking sorry. I'll take a look and patch you up, alright?
[it's strange, having such a hit of emotions after being drugged not to. it feels intense, but not in the worst kind of way. he feels guilty, but it's not overwhelming. it's a strange drug.
Jason stares at it when Dawn holds it out to him. he almost doesn't want to take it from her, but he wants to be the one to destroy it. he missed that opportunity with Crane, but at least he has this, as small as it may be.]
You know what the sick part is? I created this. He gave me a half assed fucking formula and I spent so long trying to perfect it.
It's okay, a couple of bruises and scrapes is a small price to pay to have you still be here.
[She says softly. When he tells her that he was the one who created it she can't help but raise her eyebrows up at him.]
This might sound really weird, considering what it was that you made and what it did to you but....I had no idea you were so good at chemistry. That's kind of impressive in an awful way.
[he knows it's surprising. no one ever thought of him as someone who was smart, who would read or know chemistry. it's fine. he acted like he didn't give a shit anyway.]
Yeah, well... I'm good at picking up on shit. It took a lot of tries but eventually I was able to put the formula together.
[It's not that she doesn't think that Jason is smart, she knows that he is, it's more that she's impressed because she's always been bad at things like chemistry and math and finds it interesting when people excel at it.]
You are.
[She agrees quietly, because he is good at picking up on things. Body language and tone especially. With that in mind she doesn't say anything else, just tightens her grip on his hand that she's still holding and waits for him. Giving him comfort and strength hopefully.]
[ he doesn't see it that way. he knows what people think about him and now even more so. they have every right to think shitty of him though and he knows that too.
he looks at her, then nods and takes his hand back so he can dismantle the inhaler. he doesn't hesitate any longer, dumping it down the drain, then tosses the rest in the trash. and he's done.
he's done.
he lets out a shaky breath, his shoulders dropping. ]
[ he moves into her arms, feeling... he's not really sure what he's feeling now. relief but also fear. freedom but also uncertainty.
the thing is, her arms are wrapped around him and her fingers are moving through his hair, and it makes him feel like even with that fear and uncertainty, he won't be stuck with it. he won't be held in it. there's something else here. ]
[They stand like that for a long time, her holding and hugging him. Giving comfort but also taking it because she knows what they have to do next and she also feels uncertain about it. But it has to get done and eventually she pulls away, taking his hand again and nodding towards the couch.]
Okay. Let's get this call done and then I swear we don't have to do anything for the rest of the day except sleep and ice each other.
[Once they are seated on the couch she takes out her phone and scrolls till she finds Dick's personal number and before she can second guess herself she hits the number and then speaker phone. It takes a few rings and then a familiar voice comes on the line.]
Hello?
[She swallows hard, trying to fight against the flurry of emotions that are trying to rise up.]
[ it's good to stand here like this with each other. they both desperately need it. maybe this really is the craziest shit ever, and anyone who knows them would condemn them for it, but they might be the only two people who would ever understand each other in this way. Jason's grateful for it. ]
Sounds good.
[he says quietly, and then he goes to sit on the couch. he keeps himself a distance away, curling in on himself a little when she calls Dick. hearing his voice again feels like a twist to his heart, but again he's relieved to hear it.
still, his heart hammers in his chest and he brings his legs up onto the couch as if that can somehow shield himself away from Dick knowing that he's here. there's no way he'll know, he reminds himself. this is the furthest place in the world they'd imagine that he'd be.]
[There's always a familiar ache in her heart when she hears him say her name like that, when she hears him drop the business like tone he usually has and can hear real warmth instead.]
It's good to hear from you, I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner but things have been busy.
[Ah and here's another old ache, along with the age old Dick Grayson line because he's always too busy to pick up the phone. Always too busy to reach out to the people he cares about. Normally she wouldn't want to talk about it but she needs to, Jason needs her to and she crosses her arms under her breasts. Holding herself tightly while she tries to stay in control.]
[ Dick sounds... alright. he doesn't sound quiet or withdrawn, or sad. he doesn't have that tone he always used to have with Jason. there's a familiar ache inside Jason too.
busy, Dick says and that could mean a number of things. Jason's scared to hear it, but he knows he needs to stay and listen. Dawn is doing this for him, after all. ]
[There's a heavy sigh from Dick and a long pause before he speaks again.]
Yeah. We weren't so sure for a while but it's under control now.
Is everyone okay?
Yeah we're all fine.
[She breathes a sigh of relief and before Dick can change the subject she asks:]
What about Crane?
Locked up. Look Dawn, I didn't want to bring this up and I'm not trying to worry you but....it looks like Jason took off out of Gotham.
[Dawn's eyes flicker over to Jason on the couch.]
You think he cut and ran?
Yeah, I think....I dunno, I think he finally realized he was being used and took off. We don't know where he went but I thought I'd mention it to you, just in case.
[ it feels almost surreal. Dick is on the phone talking to Dawn, telling her that they're okay. everyone's fine and Crane is locked up. they got him. they fucking got him, and Jason can feel it now. he's closer to being free.
but then Dick mentions him and he tenses up so hard, his eyes going slightly wide as he watches Dawn, stares at the phone as if Dick might pop out of it to grab him. but he doesn't, and he sounds like he really doesn't know what happened to him. Jason tries to keep his breathing slow and steady and very quiet.
they don't know. they can't know. Gotham is ok, the Titans are alright and everything's gonna be fine he tells himself over and over again. ]
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he hugs her back once again, a small,watery smile on her face when she threatens his tonsils and testicles.]
Sounds completely fair.... thanks for knocking me out by the way. Does my face match my black and blue ass?
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Oh please, give me some credit. I know how to knock someone out without doing damage.
[Her eyes hold his for a moment and she's relieved to see that his are back to normal, she can see all his emotions swirling around in them again.]
Are you in pain at all though? We both hit the ground pretty hard.
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[thank goodness for him, though. then again, a black eye is always a good reminder. Jason can tell what she's looking for when she looks in his eyes, though. he feels so fucking terrible for doing this to her again.]
I feel like every single part of me hurts. But it's ok. It's ok.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I fucking hurt you again.
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[She explains and then pauses when he apologizes, looking into his eyes she sees all of his regret and pain and she nods.]
I know you are.
[Impulsively she leans in and kisses him on the forehead.]
I accept your apology.
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Thank you.
[he closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh.]
Can we do it now? I need to get rid of it now. I've been carrying it all with me for long enough.
[not just the drugs but all the feelings associated with it as well.]
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Yes, let's do it. We'll get rid of it and then I'll call Dick.
[She gives him a small encouraging smile.]
Might as well just get everything done at once right?
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Yeah. Okay. We'll get rid of it and then call Dick.
[he pushes himself up on his elbows, his whole body protesting hard, but he pushes through it and sits up the rest of the way.]
Is it still on the roof?
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No, I brought it down after I dragged you to the couch. I put it in the kitchen.
[She pauses and looks at his bag.]
Is there more in there?
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he rubs at his face, then glances at his bag, shaking his head.]
I only brought the one. Just in case. I knew I shouldn't have but... that shit gets a hold of you. It's hard to let go.
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[She says and then slowly gets up, wincing as her back protests, and then offers him a hand off the couch.]
Ready?
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[as ready as he'll ever be, and that's good enough. he takes her hand this time, unlike on the rooftop, and stands up, curling his fingers around hers.]
And then maybe once we're done with this and the phone call we can ice each other.
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I think that sounds like an excellent idea, I'm pretty sure I scraped up some stuff on my back and elbow but we can deal with all of that later.
[She lets him lead them into the kitchen and once there she takes the inhaler out from where she hid it, she holds it for a moment, looking at the strange yellow liquid before passing it to Jason.]
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[it's strange, having such a hit of emotions after being drugged not to. it feels intense, but not in the worst kind of way. he feels guilty, but it's not overwhelming. it's a strange drug.
Jason stares at it when Dawn holds it out to him. he almost doesn't want to take it from her, but he wants to be the one to destroy it. he missed that opportunity with Crane, but at least he has this, as small as it may be.]
You know what the sick part is? I created this. He gave me a half assed fucking formula and I spent so long trying to perfect it.
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[She says softly. When he tells her that he was the one who created it she can't help but raise her eyebrows up at him.]
This might sound really weird, considering what it was that you made and what it did to you but....I had no idea you were so good at chemistry. That's kind of impressive in an awful way.
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[he knows it's surprising. no one ever thought of him as someone who was smart, who would read or know chemistry. it's fine. he acted like he didn't give a shit anyway.]
Yeah, well... I'm good at picking up on shit. It took a lot of tries but eventually I was able to put the formula together.
[he turns it over in his hand.]
Crane knew I could do it.
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[It's not that she doesn't think that Jason is smart, she knows that he is, it's more that she's impressed because she's always been bad at things like chemistry and math and finds it interesting when people excel at it.]
You are.
[She agrees quietly, because he is good at picking up on things. Body language and tone especially. With that in mind she doesn't say anything else, just tightens her grip on his hand that she's still holding and waits for him. Giving him comfort and strength hopefully.]
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he looks at her, then nods and takes his hand back so he can dismantle the inhaler. he doesn't hesitate any longer, dumping it down the drain, then tosses the rest in the trash. and he's done.
he's done.
he lets out a shaky breath, his shoulders dropping. ]
That's it. It's all gone.
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Good.
[She says and then gently gathers him in her arms, hugging him tightly.]
You're free.
[She says, running her hands through his hair.]
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the thing is, her arms are wrapped around him and her fingers are moving through his hair, and it makes him feel like even with that fear and uncertainty, he won't be stuck with it. he won't be held in it. there's something else here. ]
Thank you.
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Okay. Let's get this call done and then I swear we don't have to do anything for the rest of the day except sleep and ice each other.
[Once they are seated on the couch she takes out her phone and scrolls till she finds Dick's personal number and before she can second guess herself she hits the number and then speaker phone. It takes a few rings and then a familiar voice comes on the line.]
Hello?
[She swallows hard, trying to fight against the flurry of emotions that are trying to rise up.]
Hi Dick.
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Sounds good.
[he says quietly, and then he goes to sit on the couch. he keeps himself a distance away, curling in on himself a little when she calls Dick. hearing his voice again feels like a twist to his heart, but again he's relieved to hear it.
still, his heart hammers in his chest and he brings his legs up onto the couch as if that can somehow shield himself away from Dick knowing that he's here. there's no way he'll know, he reminds himself. this is the furthest place in the world they'd imagine that he'd be.]
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[There's always a familiar ache in her heart when she hears him say her name like that, when she hears him drop the business like tone he usually has and can hear real warmth instead.]
It's good to hear from you, I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner but things have been busy.
[Ah and here's another old ache, along with the age old Dick Grayson line because he's always too busy to pick up the phone. Always too busy to reach out to the people he cares about. Normally she wouldn't want to talk about it but she needs to, Jason needs her to and she crosses her arms under her breasts. Holding herself tightly while she tries to stay in control.]
Oh? Everything okay?
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busy, Dick says and that could mean a number of things. Jason's scared to hear it, but he knows he needs to stay and listen. Dawn is doing this for him, after all. ]
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Yeah. We weren't so sure for a while but it's under control now.
Is everyone okay?
Yeah we're all fine.
[She breathes a sigh of relief and before Dick can change the subject she asks:]
What about Crane?
Locked up. Look Dawn, I didn't want to bring this up and I'm not trying to worry you but....it looks like Jason took off out of Gotham.
[Dawn's eyes flicker over to Jason on the couch.]
You think he cut and ran?
Yeah, I think....I dunno, I think he finally realized he was being used and took off. We don't know where he went but I thought I'd mention it to you, just in case.
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but then Dick mentions him and he tenses up so hard, his eyes going slightly wide as he watches Dawn, stares at the phone as if Dick might pop out of it to grab him. but he doesn't, and he sounds like he really doesn't know what happened to him. Jason tries to keep his breathing slow and steady and very quiet.
they don't know. they can't know. Gotham is ok, the Titans are alright and everything's gonna be fine he tells himself over and over again. ]
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