I guess I was, I heard you though. And felt you hold onto me.
[She says softly and then sighs, her eyes dropping away from his to look at her hands.]
I don't know.....I haven't really thought about it yet. But...yeah maybe. I could go stay somewhere on my own for a bit while I heal. Figure some things out.
[It might solve a lot of things if she just left, things with Hank aren't getting better and some time apart might help her figure out what it is she wants to do about that. Also, it means that she won't further mess things up with Jason and yet....]
Yeah, I... I was there for a second but then Dick and Hank got you back over here.
[he would have too, though, if they hadn't taken her away from him. but that part doesn't matter. all that matters is that she got here and Dick patched her up. he's incredible like that.]
On your own...? What about...
[he starts to ask, but then he stops himself. Hank. he was by her side in an instant. still with her all this time when they got back. Dick told him he was. Jason feels so fucking guilty.]
I appreciate that you were there for me and that you stopped that guy from finishing me off.
[She says and then nods.]
Yeah, on my own. I.... can't be around Hank right now, not when all we do is fight and I'm questioning us being together.
[It sounds awful, cold and harsh especially since she knows he didn't leave her side while she was unconscious but at least with pain comes clarity and she can already see how the next few weeks would go between them and already that thought makes her tired.]
You were already on the scene when we got there, which means you left before we did. Where were you going when you got the signal?
You got hit cause of me. You ran into the line of fire cause he was aiming at me. This is my fucking fault. Why'd you jump in front of the shot?
[he furrows his eyebrows, glancing at her again. so she and Hank are still fighting. he doesn't know how he feels about that, but he has a feeling this whole thing with him and Dawn only made it worse. he wonders if Dawn is going to tell Hank what happened between them. if she even feels guilty about it after all of this.
I didn't want you to get hurt. And I hate to tell you this Jason but there's no way that my actions are your fault, I ran into the line of fire because I decided to.
[She tells him, her tone slightly irritated.
When he tells her that he was heading back to Gotham it hurts her but it makes sense, why would he want to stay here when she's made a mess of everything around them?]
I could've taken the shot. If I had been paying more attention it wouldn't have had to happen at all. Hell, if I hadn't been there in the first place, you wouldn't have gotten hurt.
[he can be irritated too. but really it's all at himself. Hank and Dick were right. he shouldn't have been there at all.]
Yeah. I thought it would be better if I left. I didn't wanna wreck things for you here... I didn't think I could face Dick or Hank... and then I went and fucked shit up anyway.
Why are you always so insistent on everything being your fault?!
[She demands, moving to sit up a little more but then winces and grabs at her back.]
Ow. Fuck! Jesus Christ Jason, you didn't do anything wrong! It's good that you were there before us, you were able to help all those people. And you aren't wrecking anything for me here, I'm the one wrecking things so I should be the one to leave!
[he yells back, then feels terrible about it, especially when she winces and grabs at her back. he moves forward to help her, but stops himself before he touches her because he doesn't even know if he should. everything feels so fucking confusing right now.]
Fuck. Don't move around, okay? I'm sorry. Just try to calm down, alright? I don't want you to hurt yourself any more than you're already hurt. I shouldn't even be here. Dick told me not to bother you. I'm just gonna go, alright? You should stay here. This is your family. I don't even fucking belong here!
[She says softly and because she can't stand the way he goes to touch and her and then stops she sits up further despite the pain in her back and takes hold of his hand gently, tugging at him to come closer to one side of her bed.]
Jason, stop. Come here. Please? I wanted you to visit me, I wouldn't have texted you if I hadn't wanted to see you.
[ his head tells him to pull away when she takes hold of his hand. to just turn around and go. but his heart won't let him. still, he hesitates, but then he can't resist moving closer when she asks him to, his eyes downcast. ]
You don't need this.
[Dick was right.]
You need to rest, okay? You shouldn't have to think or worry about anything but getting better.
[he goes quiet, because she pulls that whole thing again where she decides what she needs, even it might not be the best thing. but he isn't going to push it because how the fuck would he know better than she does?
he doesn't. not by a long shot.
so he stays, and stays quiet, swallowing hard when her thumb runs over the back of his hand, soothing him.
she needs to see him, to talk to him. he's here. at least for now he's here.]
I'm here.
But that doesn't mean I know. I don't know what I am.
[She's glad that they're both a bit calmer now although she wishes she could help take away the sad lost look in his eyes.]
You're a kind, wonderful young man who.....
[She pauses, her heart suddenly fluttering in her chest and she takes a breath.]
Who I care about. And if you want to leave the Tower because you aren't happy here then I won't stop you, but please don't leave here just because you think you've made a mistake or because of me.
[his heart flutters too, in a sad, painful way. he doesn't know if he wants to hear her say those things about him, and yet he craves to hear more. he's so fucked up.
she was there in his bedroom too though, wasn't she. kissing him, holding him, telling him he felt good. it wasn't one sided.
but she doesn't feel the same way as he does either and that's not even what any of this should be about. he's here to learn from Dick, or at least just figure out what they're gonna do with him if Bruce doesn't want him anymore. he's not here to fuck up people's lives and yet...]
I just think maybe we need some space from each other. I... I just need to fix this.
[Her lower lip trembles for a second and she inhales sharply, not liking the way her heart suddenly aches at the idea of there being space between them. But what did she expect? He's right, they need some space so that she can figure things out with Hank and he can focus on the real reason why he's here. It's not for her, it's to learn, and she lets out a long shaky breath, dropping her gaze and nodding.]
Okay. I'm going to leave then, you stay.
[She says, hating how badly that even now she still can't seem to let go of his hand.]
You can't leave. Not yet. You need to stay here and rest and Dick needs to make sure you're able to stand and walk when the time comes. Your family is here.
[she needs to stay. he's the one who can come and go. he's the one who needs to fix this.]
I wasn't ever gonna stay here anyway and I talked to Bruce, he wants me to come back. I can go there and be Robin again, just like I want.
[if Bruce doesn't want him back he can find his own way. he'll figure it out just like he's been doing all his life.
he hesitates, then moves forward. she's already caressing his hand, what more does she possibly think a hug is going to do?]
[When he moves forward she uses their linked hands to guide his arm around her, letting go so she can slip both her arms around his waist and hug herself against him, leaning her head into the crook of his neck. She hates all of this, hates that somehow one moment between them is forcing one of them leave.]
I don't want you to leave.
[She whispers, her breath hitching a little as she hugs him tightly.]
[ he moves his arms around her easily, hugging her close, but so carefully. he doesn't want her to hurt anymore. he doesn't want to see her crying again either, but that's all he seems to be able to make her do. ]
I have to.
[he says quietly, closing his eyes as he lets his fingers slide through her hair.]
I have to, cause I think I'm in love with you, and I know that I can't be. I'm sorry.
His words wash over her and she tightens her grip on him, her heart rate spiking and something inside of her flutters again, like the wings of an injured dove.]
Please don't apologize for that...you shouldn't ever have to apologize for loving someone.
[She says and nuzzles her face deeper into his neck, breathing in his scent, savoring it along with his warmth and the feeling of him being with her. He feels so good and every time she thinks about letting go it makes her ache, she wants him around, she wants to see him smile, she wants to hold him like this all the time....and...]
Especially when that someone might be feeling similar things.
[ it's almost overwhelming when she tightens her grip on him, pulling him into a deeper hug. all he wants to do is hold her and be with her, and make all of this better. ]
I know, but it's...
[he trails off, because he doesn't want to say that it's fucked up out loud. he doesn't want it to be fucked up. but how can it not be when she's still with someone else, and this thing between them was never supposed to happen. this isn't who he is, and they can never be together, he knows that.
but then...]
What?
[it aches to pull away from her, but he does, just a little bit so he can see her face.]
[She looks up into his eyes, those beautiful emotional eyes of his and is silent for a long moment as her heart confirms what she just said out loud. She doesn't know if it's love just yet but she knows now that what she feels for him is beyond friendship, there's something about him that makes her feel alive, excited, and fully cherished and she wants to do the same for him.]
[ he doesn't even know what to say to that for a long moment. just hearing it is a shock. it's a lot, but it curls around his heart and blossoms, and he can't help the soft look that washed over his face.
there's even a small smile that touches the corners of his lips, right before he looks down. ]
...Oh.
[this makes things a hell of a lot more complicated and maybe even terrible, but right now it's hard for him to feel any of that anymore. he can't help it. it makes the ache lessen. it makes him happy, even though he knows it shouldn't.]
[That little smile of his, it's everything and she utters a small breathless laugh and brings one of her hands up to cup his cheek.]
Yeah, yeah I do. I thought that it would be obvious when I threw myself in the line of fire for you, but I guess not. Do you need a bigger clue Jason? Do you want me to write a huge sign and put it on the golden gate bridge?
[She's teasing him and it feels good, and soft, and wonderful. All because of that little smile.]
[ his smile grows a little more when her hand slides along his skin to cup his cheek, and he looks at her again. ]
I mean, we're Titans. That's kinda what we do.
[how's he supposed to leave now? how's he supposed to go away, knowing she has feeling for him too? she shouldn't, and he shouldn't either, but...fuck it, his heart is telling him. she has feelings for him too, and he's so easily swept up and away by them.]
I don't need grand gestures, though. It's the little things that count.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 12:26 am (UTC)[She says softly and then sighs, her eyes dropping away from his to look at her hands.]
I don't know.....I haven't really thought about it yet. But...yeah maybe. I could go stay somewhere on my own for a bit while I heal.
Figure some things out.
[It might solve a lot of things if she just left, things with Hank aren't getting better and some time apart might help her figure out what it is she wants to do about that. Also, it means that she won't further mess things up with Jason and yet....]
Can I ask you something?
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 12:31 am (UTC)[he would have too, though, if they hadn't taken her away from him. but that part doesn't matter. all that matters is that she got here and Dick patched her up. he's incredible like that.]
On your own...? What about...
[he starts to ask, but then he stops himself. Hank. he was by her side in an instant. still with her all this time when they got back. Dick told him he was. Jason feels so fucking guilty.]
What?
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 12:41 am (UTC)[She says and then nods.]
Yeah, on my own. I.... can't be around Hank right now, not when all we do is fight and I'm questioning us being together.
[It sounds awful, cold and harsh especially since she knows he didn't leave her side while she was unconscious but at least with pain comes clarity and she can already see how the next few weeks would go between them and already that thought makes her tired.]
You were already on the scene when we got there, which means you left before we did. Where were you going when you got the signal?
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 12:47 am (UTC)You got hit cause of me. You ran into the line of fire cause he was aiming at me. This is my fucking fault. Why'd you jump in front of the shot?
[he furrows his eyebrows, glancing at her again. so she and Hank are still fighting. he doesn't know how he feels about that, but he has a feeling this whole thing with him and Dawn only made it worse. he wonders if Dawn is going to tell Hank what happened between them. if she even feels guilty about it after all of this.
and now she'll probably be pissed at him too.]
I was leaving. Heading back to Gotham.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 12:58 am (UTC)And I hate to tell you this Jason but there's no way that my actions are your fault, I ran into the line of fire because I decided to.
[She tells him, her tone slightly irritated.
When he tells her that he was heading back to Gotham it hurts her but it makes sense, why would he want to stay here when she's made a mess of everything around them?]
Because of what happened earlier?
[She asks, looking at him steadily.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 01:08 am (UTC)[he can be irritated too. but really it's all at himself. Hank and Dick were right. he shouldn't have been there at all.]
Yeah. I thought it would be better if I left. I didn't wanna wreck things for you here... I didn't think I could face Dick or Hank... and then I went and fucked shit up anyway.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 01:22 am (UTC)[She demands, moving to sit up a little more but then winces and grabs at her back.]
Ow. Fuck! Jesus Christ Jason, you didn't do anything wrong! It's good that you were there before us, you were able to help all those people. And you aren't wrecking anything for me here, I'm the one wrecking things so I should be the one to leave!
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 01:38 am (UTC)[he yells back, then feels terrible about it, especially when she winces and grabs at her back. he moves forward to help her, but stops himself before he touches her because he doesn't even know if he should. everything feels so fucking confusing right now.]
Fuck. Don't move around, okay? I'm sorry. Just try to calm down, alright? I don't want you to hurt yourself any more than you're already hurt. I shouldn't even be here. Dick told me not to bother you. I'm just gonna go, alright? You should stay here. This is your family. I don't even fucking belong here!
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 01:45 am (UTC)[She says softly and because she can't stand the way he goes to touch and her and then stops she sits up further despite the pain in her back and takes hold of his hand gently, tugging at him to come closer to one side of her bed.]
Jason, stop. Come here. Please?
I wanted you to visit me, I wouldn't have texted you if I hadn't wanted to see you.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 01:51 am (UTC)You don't need this.
[Dick was right.]
You need to rest, okay? You shouldn't have to think or worry about anything but getting better.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 02:28 am (UTC)[She says softly, grateful that he doesn't just pull away and leave and when he gets close enough she runs her thumb over the back of his hand.]
And right now I really to see you, to talk to you.
You belong here Jason, watching you in action tonight....you're supposed to be here. You're a Titan.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 02:47 am (UTC)he doesn't. not by a long shot.
so he stays, and stays quiet, swallowing hard when her thumb runs over the back of his hand, soothing him.
she needs to see him, to talk to him. he's here. at least for now he's here.]
I'm here.
But that doesn't mean I know. I don't know what I am.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 03:30 am (UTC)You're a kind, wonderful young man who.....
[She pauses, her heart suddenly fluttering in her chest and she takes a breath.]
Who I care about. And if you want to leave the Tower because you aren't happy here then I won't stop you, but please don't leave here just because you think you've made a mistake or because of me.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 03:47 am (UTC)she was there in his bedroom too though, wasn't she. kissing him, holding him, telling him he felt good. it wasn't one sided.
but she doesn't feel the same way as he does either and that's not even what any of this should be about. he's here to learn from Dick, or at least just figure out what they're gonna do with him if Bruce doesn't want him anymore. he's not here to fuck up people's lives and yet...]
I just think maybe we need some space from each other. I... I just need to fix this.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 04:06 am (UTC)It's not for her, it's to learn, and she lets out a long shaky breath, dropping her gaze and nodding.]
Okay. I'm going to leave then, you stay.
[She says, hating how badly that even now she still can't seem to let go of his hand.]
I.....can I hug you goodbye?
[She asks weakly and then shakes her head.]
No...fuck, I'm sorry I shouldn't ask that.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 01:41 pm (UTC)[she needs to stay. he's the one who can come and go. he's the one who needs to fix this.]
I wasn't ever gonna stay here anyway and I talked to Bruce, he wants me to come back. I can go there and be Robin again, just like I want.
[if Bruce doesn't want him back he can find his own way. he'll figure it out just like he's been doing all his life.
he hesitates, then moves forward. she's already caressing his hand, what more does she possibly think a hug is going to do?]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 05:06 pm (UTC)I don't want you to leave.
[She whispers, her breath hitching a little as she hugs him tightly.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 06:38 pm (UTC)I have to.
[he says quietly, closing his eyes as he lets his fingers slide through her hair.]
I have to, cause I think I'm in love with you, and I know that I can't be. I'm sorry.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 09:01 pm (UTC)His words wash over her and she tightens her grip on him, her heart rate spiking and something inside of her flutters again, like the wings of an injured dove.]
Please don't apologize for that...you shouldn't ever have to apologize for loving someone.
[She says and nuzzles her face deeper into his neck, breathing in his scent, savoring it along with his warmth and the feeling of him being with her. He feels so good and every time she thinks about letting go it makes her ache, she wants him around, she wants to see him smile, she wants to hold him like this all the time....and...]
Especially when that someone might be feeling similar things.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 09:17 pm (UTC)I know, but it's...
[he trails off, because he doesn't want to say that it's fucked up out loud. he doesn't want it to be fucked up. but how can it not be when she's still with someone else, and this thing between them was never supposed to happen. this isn't who he is, and they can never be together, he knows that.
but then...]
What?
[it aches to pull away from her, but he does, just a little bit so he can see her face.]
...What do you mean?
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 09:57 pm (UTC)I have feelings for you.
[She admits softly.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 10:46 pm (UTC)there's even a small smile that touches the corners of his lips, right before he looks down. ]
...Oh.
[this makes things a hell of a lot more complicated and maybe even terrible, but right now it's hard for him to feel any of that anymore. he can't help it. it makes the ache lessen. it makes him happy, even though he knows it shouldn't.]
You do?
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 11:02 pm (UTC)Yeah, yeah I do. I thought that it would be obvious when I threw myself in the line of fire for you, but I guess not. Do you need a bigger clue Jason? Do you want me to write a huge sign and put it on the golden gate bridge?
[She's teasing him and it feels good, and soft, and wonderful. All because of that little smile.]
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 11:14 pm (UTC)I mean, we're Titans. That's kinda what we do.
[how's he supposed to leave now? how's he supposed to go away, knowing she has feeling for him too? she shouldn't, and he shouldn't either, but...fuck it, his heart is telling him. she has feelings for him too, and he's so easily swept up and away by them.]
I don't need grand gestures, though. It's the little things that count.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-19 11:23 pm (UTC)[She says with a little laugh and uses the hand on his cheek to bring his face closer to hers, resting her forehead against his.]
You were amazing by the way, out there. Fighting those guys.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: