[She says and leads the way towards the steps that lead up to the bridge, on either side there are big bushes with bright red flowers. She pauses at one point on their way up the stairs to pick one of these flowers and tucks it behind his ear with a bright smile.]
[Her smile grows even more when he ducks his head almost shyly and she leans in to quickly kiss his cheek.]
So are you.
[She tugs on his hand, leading him up the next couple of steps and out onto the little bridge area. From up here they can see the top half of the waterfall as well as look down at it crashing onto the rocks below and then streaming out to the calm lake past the path the walked to get here.]
[ he doesn't think he's sweet at all, especially after all this shit he laid on her the past couple days, but he doesn't argue it. he just keeps going up the stairs and out to the bridge area, then looks down over the side of it. ]
Cool, it looks awesome from up here. You can feel the water on your face.
[She smiles and nods, using their joined hands to lift his arm up and around her shoulders. Moving herself into the crook of his arm so she can cuddle up against him as they stand together on the bridge. She's quiet for a few moments, just enjoying the view and the feeling of being with him but eventually she looks up at him.]
I'm glad you like this spot, I was kind of nervous to show it to you. I was pretty sure you'd like it but was also worried you would find it boring.
[ when she puts his arm around her, he brings her in closer against him, letting out a soft breath as she cuddles up to him. he was so desperate to push her away earlier, but now he's relieved that she's here, so close to him. ]
Boring? No way. I like it here. Can't believe you were nervous about that.
[Her eyes dance across his face when he looks down at her, making little notes about the small things she finds lovely about him. His lips, the adorable tip of his nose, but most of all his eyes. They're always so beautiful and she tilts her face up a little more towards his.]
Yeah? Well now you can come here whenever you need to.
[Her eyes flutter shut when he brushes his lips against hers and she presses back just a little.]
It's understandable and I'm not upset about it. I know you didn't want to hurt me, and I know it's hard to not lash out when you're feeling overwhelmed like that.
I thought if I could just keep my distance from everyone it would be ok.
[it's why he left and didn't come back till so late, and didn't wake her that night or talk to anyone this morning. clearly it wasn't enough.]
It's not an excuse, though. I should be able to handle my shit better by now. It all just hit me harder than I thought it would and... I dunno. I'm sorry.
Things like that can hit you hard and unexpectedly. I once cried my eyes out in a coffee shop because I overheard a song on the radio that reminded me of my mother. I was just sitting there and suddenly, boom, I was sobbing.
[ he nods, staying quiet again, letting himself think about that for a moment and just process it. ]
I know you were upset when I told you that I didn't want you to tell me about her yesterday. I just couldn't... it was too close and I didn't want to explain everything.
[She says softly and hugs him tightly, but gently. Always so gentle.] Sometimes it feels like explaining things like that makes it worse, makes you feel like you're swimming in grief and you can't catch a breath.
[swimming in grief and he couldn't catch a breath, and he freaked out about it. Dawn understands, though. of course she does. he leans into her hug, but then his shoulders tense up again when she asks about his mother.]
Yeah, she was. Not sure if she was clean when she had me, but I dunno, maybe I would've been born even more fucked up if she had been.
[ he feels a little pathetic, standing here talking about this while she's rubbing his back. he's not used to the comfort and affection, and having it when he feels this way is so strange to him.
he tries not to pull away, but the feeling is too overwhelming and he drops his hand from her shoulder, shifting out of her hold to lean back against the bridge instead, wrapping his arms around himself. ]
She used to get me to steal shit for her when I was a kid cause she never had enough. Money always went for drugs though. Never food, or shit we actually needed.
[She lets him move away to lean against the bridge, trying to keep her face as neutral as possible. She wants to be as understanding as she can, she knows from both Hank and Ellis that addiction is incredibly hard and makes you do some very shitty things but she still can't help but feel a flicker of anger at Jason's mother for treating her son like this.]
[ he shrugs because that's what's always gotten him through it. shrugging it off makes it easy to move forward. ]
Yeah, but I was used to it so, you know. Rough just becomes normal. The fucked up thing is, she couldn't fucking stand me. Even on the day she died she made sure to remind me how everything bad that had ever happened to her was all my fucking fault- and yet here I am, still fucking crying over her. That's what's fucked up.
[There's another flicker of anger, this one bigger than the last, but she takes a breath to steady herself. Her getting angry at Jason's dead mother won't help anything.]
That was extremely unfair of her to say. [She says, her tone probably betraying a little bit of her anger.] None of that was your fault, Jason. You were a fucking child and she took advantage of your love for her.
[She sighs and runs a hand through her hair.] But it's not fucked up that you're crying over her, you cared about her and she hurt you and herself.
Maybe she loved me at first but then you know, she had to deal with me, and I was such a bad kid.
[ he doesn't tell her that his mom and dad were right. that he was a huge fucking mistake, and he's always known it. everywhere he goes, he's the mistake. the one who fucks everything up. it'll happen with the Titans sooner or later, and it'll probably happen with Dawn too, but he doesn't want her to figure it out just yet.
so again he simply shrugs, then turns back around to look at the water. he likes the sound it makes when it's hitting the rocks below.]
Not even sure how long I hid in that closet before the cops realized she had a kid and came to find me. They hated me too. Kids from the Narrows are like fucking dogs to them. They didn't give a single shit that my mom just died. No one gave a crap. It was real nice to kick the shit outta them when I learned how to fight better.
I don't buy that. Unless you were killing animals and torturing other kids I don't believe you were a bad kid.
[She says, looking at him steadily. When he mentions the awful cops and how good it felt to beat on them for once, she nods. Looking down at the water as well.]
I'm not going to lecture you about that. [She says quietly, looking down at the water.] Mostly because I would have probably done the same thing in your position.
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Date: 2022-07-18 11:15 pm (UTC)[She says and leads the way towards the steps that lead up to the bridge, on either side there are big bushes with bright red flowers. She pauses at one point on their way up the stairs to pick one of these flowers and tucks it behind his ear with a bright smile.]
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Date: 2022-07-18 11:20 pm (UTC)Thanks. You're so sweet.
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Date: 2022-07-18 11:29 pm (UTC)So are you.
[She tugs on his hand, leading him up the next couple of steps and out onto the little bridge area. From up here they can see the top half of the waterfall as well as look down at it crashing onto the rocks below and then streaming out to the calm lake past the path the walked to get here.]
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Date: 2022-07-19 12:21 am (UTC)Cool, it looks awesome from up here. You can feel the water on your face.
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Date: 2022-07-19 12:31 am (UTC)I'm glad you like this spot, I was kind of nervous to show it to you. I was pretty sure you'd like it but was also worried you would find it boring.
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Date: 2022-07-19 12:43 am (UTC)Boring? No way. I like it here. Can't believe you were nervous about that.
[he says softly, looking down at her.]
I needed a place like this.
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Date: 2022-07-19 12:49 am (UTC)Yeah? Well now you can come here whenever you need to.
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Date: 2022-07-19 01:00 am (UTC)[he eyes her face as well, then leans in to kiss her nose, then her lips, just a light brush of a kiss before he looks out over the waterfall again.]
I'm sorry that I freaked out and tried to push you away. I'm not good with stuff like this and I was a total asshole to you.
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Date: 2022-07-19 01:05 am (UTC)[Her eyes flutter shut when he brushes his lips against hers and she presses back just a little.]
It's understandable and I'm not upset about it. I know you didn't want to hurt me, and I know it's hard to not lash out when you're feeling overwhelmed like that.
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Date: 2022-07-19 01:13 am (UTC)[it's why he left and didn't come back till so late, and didn't wake her that night or talk to anyone this morning. clearly it wasn't enough.]
It's not an excuse, though. I should be able to handle my shit better by now. It all just hit me harder than I thought it would and... I dunno. I'm sorry.
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Date: 2022-07-19 01:55 am (UTC)[She gives him a little squeeze.]
It's okay.
Things like that can hit you hard and unexpectedly. I once cried my eyes out in a coffee shop because I overheard a song on the radio that reminded me of my mother. I was just sitting there and suddenly, boom, I was sobbing.
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Date: 2022-07-19 02:17 am (UTC)I know you were upset when I told you that I didn't want you to tell me about her yesterday. I just couldn't... it was too close and I didn't want to explain everything.
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Date: 2022-07-19 02:21 am (UTC)[She says softly and hugs him tightly, but gently. Always so gentle.] Sometimes it feels like explaining things like that makes it worse, makes you feel like you're swimming in grief and you can't catch a breath.
[She tilts her face up to him again.]
Do you want to tell me about her?
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Date: 2022-07-19 02:41 am (UTC)[swimming in grief and he couldn't catch a breath, and he freaked out about it. Dawn understands, though. of course she does. he leans into her hug, but then his shoulders tense up again when she asks about his mother.]
She... she wasn't great.
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Date: 2022-07-19 02:43 am (UTC)She was a drug addict, right?
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Date: 2022-07-19 02:54 am (UTC)[ he feels a little pathetic, standing here talking about this while she's rubbing his back. he's not used to the comfort and affection, and having it when he feels this way is so strange to him.
he tries not to pull away, but the feeling is too overwhelming and he drops his hand from her shoulder, shifting out of her hold to lean back against the bridge instead, wrapping his arms around himself. ]
She used to get me to steal shit for her when I was a kid cause she never had enough. Money always went for drugs though. Never food, or shit we actually needed.
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Date: 2022-07-19 03:00 am (UTC)That's really rough.
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Date: 2022-07-19 03:08 am (UTC)Yeah, but I was used to it so, you know. Rough just becomes normal. The fucked up thing is, she couldn't fucking stand me. Even on the day she died she made sure to remind me how everything bad that had ever happened to her was all my fucking fault- and yet here I am, still fucking crying over her. That's what's fucked up.
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Date: 2022-07-19 03:21 am (UTC)That was extremely unfair of her to say. [She says, her tone probably betraying a little bit of her anger.] None of that was your fault, Jason. You were a fucking child and she took advantage of your love for her.
[She sighs and runs a hand through her hair.] But it's not fucked up that you're crying over her, you cared about her and she hurt you and herself.
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Date: 2022-07-19 03:49 am (UTC)[ he doesn't tell her that his mom and dad were right. that he was a huge fucking mistake, and he's always known it. everywhere he goes, he's the mistake. the one who fucks everything up. it'll happen with the Titans sooner or later, and it'll probably happen with Dawn too, but he doesn't want her to figure it out just yet.
so again he simply shrugs, then turns back around to look at the water. he likes the sound it makes when it's hitting the rocks below.]
Not even sure how long I hid in that closet before the cops realized she had a kid and came to find me. They hated me too. Kids from the Narrows are like fucking dogs to them. They didn't give a single shit that my mom just died. No one gave a crap. It was real nice to kick the shit outta them when I learned how to fight better.
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Date: 2022-07-19 04:05 am (UTC)[She says, looking at him steadily. When he mentions the awful cops and how good it felt to beat on them for once, she nods. Looking down at the water as well.]
Was this before you were Robin? Or after?
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Date: 2022-07-19 04:13 am (UTC)[he scoffs, dragging his fingers through his hair. he can feel her looking at him and he doesn't like it. he knows that's stupid of him, too.]
...After. And yeah, I know. Dick already gave me the whole fucking lecture about how fucked up that is, too.
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Date: 2022-07-19 04:22 am (UTC)[She says, her voice firm.]
I'm not going to lecture you about that. [She says quietly, looking down at the water.] Mostly because I would have probably done the same thing in your position.
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Date: 2022-07-19 04:27 am (UTC)[and maybe that's the problem. the problem from the very start. but Jason's pretty sure it's too late to fix any of that now.
he finally glances at her.]
...Yeah? Well good. They deserved what they got. Fucking lucky I didn't do worse to 'em. They would've deserved that too.
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Date: 2022-07-19 04:37 am (UTC)[She says and when he finally glances at her she locks eyes with him.]
I get it. I felt the same way when I broke my father's arm and to this day I wish I hadn't stopped at one.
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