[She hears the music, an obvious sign that she should keep out and away, but instead of walking past his room she knocks on the door. When it's obvious he doesn't hear it, she tries again but louder.]
[ he hears it. he hears it and he knows it's her, and he doesn't want to do this. he's scared, though. if he doesn't talk to her now, what if she never talks to him again? but what if he does and things get even weirder and then she'll end up never talking to him anyway.
but then what if...fuck. he knows he needs to stop this. he needs to stop acting like a scared shitbag and just deal with this. he drags his fingers through his hair hard, then shuts his music off and goes to pull his door open. ]
[ he looks at the bottle of wine and the two glasses, and hesitates. he's not so sure this is a good idea. in fact, it sounds like a really bad idea. ]
I'm driving you to drink, huh.
[for a moment he almost suggests that she go drink with her boyfriend instead, but he has a feeling she wouldn't like that very much. ]
You don't have to do this, Dawn. This is totally on me, alright? We don't have to do any of this.
[ he sighs softly, looking away, then nods and opens his door all the way to let her in. it's not like he doesn't want her here. he does, and that's the problem.
he's not even sure if he should close his door all the way, or if that might make her feel uncomfortable, but in the end he does, because the last thing he needs is for anyone to walk by and overhear them.
[She comes in and instead of sitting on the bed or the chairs he has she gracefully sinks to the floor, sitting cross legged. She opens the wine and proceeds to pour herself and him a glass, when he doesn't really approach her she motions for him to join her.]
First things first, I want you to know that you are not a shitty person, because if you were I wouldn't enjoy hanging out with you so much. Second, I'm not upset or angry at you for telling me how you feel. I appreciate you being honest with me.
[ he stands there for a moment longer before he goes to join her, sinking down on the floor across from her, pulling his hoodie sleeves over his hands as he looks at her. ]
I'm a shitty person for this. For all of this. All you've done is try to be my friend and be kind to me and here I am, fucking it all up. You shouldn't have to deal with this shit.
[and maybe it's good that he was honest with her, but he could have just done a better job of trying to get over this and not ruining what they had.]
[When he finally joins her on the floor she passes him a glass of wine.]
Jason, just because you've got feelings for me doesn't mean that you're a shitty person and it doesn't mean that it's fucking everything up. It's not like you set out intentionally for this to happen.
[She pauses and takes a sip of wine before looking into his eyes.]
I'd prefer it if you stayed so that we can work through this but that's your decision and I'll respect it.
[ he's usually better at not letting himself tear himself down in front of others so openly. it's something he's worked hard on. a well crafted cockiness while the rest of it all goes on in his head. but now... now there are too many emotions, and he's fucked up too badly and it's all flowing out. ]
You weren't. You weren't inappropriate at all. You were totally cool and awesome and I let myself get carried away.
[it's not often that anyone takes the time with him. tries to understand him in the way that she has. she lets him be himself and he started to fall for her because of it, and he feels like a fucking shitty friend for doing that. she didnt' ask for this.]
You don't want this, though. It would be good if I gave you some space.
Jason, please don't assume that you know what I do or don't want.
[She says, her tone firm but kind and she reaches across to take his hand in hers.]
I'm honestly very surprised to learn that you have feelings for me and I don't hold them against you, because they're feelings and you're allowed to have them. If you were a shitty person, like you keep saying that you are, you would have tried to act on those feelings. But you didn't, because you're a good person, Jason. And a good friend.
[She pauses for a moment and then smiles.]
Also, and this might be slightly inappropriate to say but I want to be honest with you...I'm also a little bit flattered.
I mean...okay sure you can say that all you want, but I'm pretty positive you don't want some 19 year old shitbag who's supposed to be your friend being all into you instead. I think it's pretty safe to assume Hank wouldn't want that either.
[he knows she doesnt' want this, no matter what she says. of course she doesn't want this. he looks down at their hands when she takes his, but he doesn't make any attempt to do the same.
You say that now, but I fucked all of this up. You think you led me on but you didn't. You weren't being inappropriate, you were just having fun with me.
[he was having fun too. everything about Dawn has been so wonderful. he keeps his gaze downcast when she says she's flattered. he doesn't really know what to say to that. at least she's being nice to him about it, but that makes him feel bad too cause she shouldn't have to be.]
I'm sorry for making things weird between us. But like you said, I haven't acted on it and I won't. Not ever. So you don't gotta worry about that, ok?
Jason, stop calling yourself that. I know that you feel awkward and upset about this but I'm not going to sit here and let you degrade yourself like that. You didn't fuck anything up okay? So far as I'm concerned we are still friends, and as friends we should be able to talk about this without blame.
[Her hand loosens and she rubs her thumb across his knuckles.]
I'm not worried about you putting the moves on me, I know that you respect my relationship with Hank and my boundaries but this is a two way thing so I'd like talk about your boundaries. What are you comfortable with us doing?
[ he furrows his eyebrows, jaw clenching when she squeezes his hand. he also stops talking, cause he doesn't really have anything nice to say about himself right now, so maybe it's just better if doesn't say anything at all.
he's angry at himself for letting it all out of his head.
maybe she still wants to be friends, but he knows it'll all be different now. they'll never have that good, incredibly easy flow with each other like they did before he opened his stupid mouth, because she'll always be looking out for this now. she'll always feel too weird thinking about if she's leading him on. ]
[She's glad that he finally looks up at her, he's so much easier to read when she can see his eyes and she offers him a little smile.]
I mean things like this? [She gives his hand a comforting squeeze.] Can I still hug you or touch you, or shove you around like before or will that make you feel weird? I'm still comfortable with doing those things but I want to make sure you are as well.
The same goes for topics of conversation, would you like me to stop talking to you about sex and stuff like that?
[ he's not really sure why she's asking him this stuff and his eyebrows furrow again, much more confused this time. he still hasn't curled his fingers around hers. he doesn't want to make any of this weirder than it already is. ]
Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable?
geee thanks dw, don't give me a notification or anything..... XD
[Her smile grows into her usual full warm one when he curls his fingers around hers.]
I'm very touched to hear that because you're important to me too, Jason. I enjoy our time together. I have one last question about this situation though.
haha good thing i've been keeping my threads open in my browser. so many tabs haha
[he wants to trust what she says but he knows it's not always that easy. she'll say it now, but who knows if that's really how it's gonna be. maybe she just doesn't want to make things any more awkward right now. he doubts things will just keep going the way they've going lately. not with her knowing that he likes her. that he wishes he could be with her. he isn't going to think about that right now, though. or ever.
it's good to hear her say that he's important to her too. he just wants things to stay that way.]
...What is it?
hahaha I would say sorry but I love all our threads too much ;)
[She's hoping that things stay easy between them, she suspects that in time his feelings for her will fade or that he'll find someone else. He's a good looking young man and his cocky charm is sure to attract lots of potential partners.]
For the sake of my own ego and burning curiosity, what was it that made you realize all of this?
hahaha me toooo that's why i wanna be sure i have them all in front of me xD
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but then what if...fuck. he knows he needs to stop this. he needs to stop acting like a scared shitbag and just deal with this. he drags his fingers through his hair hard, then shuts his music off and goes to pull his door open. ]
What?
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[She says calmly and then holds up the bottle of wine and glasses.]
Can I come in?
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I'm driving you to drink, huh.
[for a moment he almost suggests that she go drink with her boyfriend instead, but he has a feeling she wouldn't like that very much. ]
You don't have to do this, Dawn. This is totally on me, alright? We don't have to do any of this.
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he's not even sure if he should close his door all the way, or if that might make her feel uncomfortable, but in the end he does, because the last thing he needs is for anyone to walk by and overhear them.
Hank would kill him for this. ]
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First things first, I want you to know that you are not a shitty person, because if you were I wouldn't enjoy hanging out with you so much. Second, I'm not upset or angry at you for telling me how you feel. I appreciate you being honest with me.
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I'm a shitty person for this. For all of this. All you've done is try to be my friend and be kind to me and here I am, fucking it all up. You shouldn't have to deal with this shit.
[and maybe it's good that he was honest with her, but he could have just done a better job of trying to get over this and not ruining what they had.]
I'm gonna ask Dick if I can go with him.
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Jason, just because you've got feelings for me doesn't mean that you're a shitty person and it doesn't mean that it's fucking everything up. It's not like you set out intentionally for this to happen.
[She pauses and takes a sip of wine before looking into his eyes.]
I'd prefer it if you stayed so that we can work through this but that's your decision and I'll respect it.
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I know, but. It was so stupid of me. You were just trying to be nice to me. You were trying to understand me and I feel like.
[he shakes his head, looking down.]
I feel like I took advantage of that.
[maybe he shouldn't be saying this either, but this is what the two of them are now, isn't it? they're honest and open with each other.]
Work through this?
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Well you didn't, and if we're being honest I feel like I'm the stupid one for not noticing and potentially being inappropriate with you.
[She admits and then offers him a soft smile.]
Of course, I'm not about to throw away our connection.
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You weren't. You weren't inappropriate at all. You were totally cool and awesome and I let myself get carried away.
[it's not often that anyone takes the time with him. tries to understand him in the way that she has. she lets him be himself and he started to fall for her because of it, and he feels like a fucking shitty friend for doing that. she didnt' ask for this.]
You don't want this, though. It would be good if I gave you some space.
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[She says, her tone firm but kind and she reaches across to take his hand in hers.]
I'm honestly very surprised to learn that you have feelings for me and I don't hold them against you, because they're feelings and you're allowed to have them. If you were a shitty person, like you keep saying that you are, you would have tried to act on those feelings. But you didn't, because you're a good person, Jason.
And a good friend.
[She pauses for a moment and then smiles.]
Also, and this might be slightly inappropriate to say but I want to be honest with you...I'm also a little bit flattered.
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[he knows she doesnt' want this, no matter what she says. of course she doesn't want this. he looks down at their hands when she takes his, but he doesn't make any attempt to do the same.
You say that now, but I fucked all of this up. You think you led me on but you didn't. You weren't being inappropriate, you were just having fun with me.
[he was having fun too. everything about Dawn has been so wonderful. he keeps his gaze downcast when she says she's flattered. he doesn't really know what to say to that. at least she's being nice to him about it, but that makes him feel bad too cause she shouldn't have to be.]
I'm sorry for making things weird between us. But like you said, I haven't acted on it and I won't. Not ever. So you don't gotta worry about that, ok?
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Jason, stop calling yourself that. I know that you feel awkward and upset about this but I'm not going to sit here and let you degrade yourself like that. You didn't fuck anything up okay? So far as I'm concerned we are still friends, and as friends we should be able to talk about this without blame.
[Her hand loosens and she rubs her thumb across his knuckles.]
I'm not worried about you putting the moves on me, I know that you respect my relationship with Hank and my boundaries but this is a two way thing so I'd like talk about your boundaries. What are you comfortable with us doing?
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he's angry at himself for letting it all out of his head.
maybe she still wants to be friends, but he knows it'll all be different now. they'll never have that good, incredibly easy flow with each other like they did before he opened his stupid mouth, because she'll always be looking out for this now. she'll always feel too weird thinking about if she's leading him on. ]
Comfortable with us doing?
[he asks eventually, finally glancing up at her.]
What do you mean?
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I mean things like this? [She gives his hand a comforting squeeze.] Can I still hug you or touch you, or shove you around like before or will that make you feel weird? I'm still comfortable with doing those things but I want to make sure you are as well.
The same goes for topics of conversation, would you like me to stop talking to you about sex and stuff like that?
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Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable?
geee thanks dw, don't give me a notification or anything..... XD
So long as you do the same thing.
Does that sound okay to you?
oh wow, i havent gotten a single one either and they're not in my site inbox either D:
[ there's another moment of hesitation before he slowly curls his fingers around hers. ]
Yeah. That sounds okay.
I don't want things to change between us. You're important to me and I don't wanna lose what we have.
argh I hate it when it does this
[Her smile grows into her usual full warm one when he curls his fingers around hers.]
I'm very touched to hear that because you're important to me too, Jason. I enjoy our time together. I have one last question about this situation though.
haha good thing i've been keeping my threads open in my browser. so many tabs haha
[he wants to trust what she says but he knows it's not always that easy. she'll say it now, but who knows if that's really how it's gonna be. maybe she just doesn't want to make things any more awkward right now. he doubts things will just keep going the way they've going lately. not with her knowing that he likes her. that he wishes he could be with her. he isn't going to think about that right now, though. or ever.
it's good to hear her say that he's important to her too. he just wants things to stay that way.]
...What is it?
hahaha I would say sorry but I love all our threads too much ;)
For the sake of my own ego and burning curiosity, what was it that made you realize all of this?
hahaha me toooo that's why i wanna be sure i have them all in front of me xD
her question make his cheeks burn, and he lets out a small, surprised laugh, pulling his hand from hers so he can pick up the glass of wine instead. ]
Aw come on, you really gonna put me on the spot like this?
awww <3 also? Jason's crush on Dawn is so adorable
Absolutely I am.
[She says with a grin as she picks up her wine and takes a sip, looking at him over the rim of her glass.]
it's terrible ;___; lol
noooo it's not terrible, it's sweet, angsty and interesting :)
it's terrible for his poor heart lol
awww Jason :(
:(
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