[ he's usually better at not letting himself tear himself down in front of others so openly. it's something he's worked hard on. a well crafted cockiness while the rest of it all goes on in his head. but now... now there are too many emotions, and he's fucked up too badly and it's all flowing out. ]
You weren't. You weren't inappropriate at all. You were totally cool and awesome and I let myself get carried away.
[it's not often that anyone takes the time with him. tries to understand him in the way that she has. she lets him be himself and he started to fall for her because of it, and he feels like a fucking shitty friend for doing that. she didnt' ask for this.]
You don't want this, though. It would be good if I gave you some space.
Jason, please don't assume that you know what I do or don't want.
[She says, her tone firm but kind and she reaches across to take his hand in hers.]
I'm honestly very surprised to learn that you have feelings for me and I don't hold them against you, because they're feelings and you're allowed to have them. If you were a shitty person, like you keep saying that you are, you would have tried to act on those feelings. But you didn't, because you're a good person, Jason. And a good friend.
[She pauses for a moment and then smiles.]
Also, and this might be slightly inappropriate to say but I want to be honest with you...I'm also a little bit flattered.
I mean...okay sure you can say that all you want, but I'm pretty positive you don't want some 19 year old shitbag who's supposed to be your friend being all into you instead. I think it's pretty safe to assume Hank wouldn't want that either.
[he knows she doesnt' want this, no matter what she says. of course she doesn't want this. he looks down at their hands when she takes his, but he doesn't make any attempt to do the same.
You say that now, but I fucked all of this up. You think you led me on but you didn't. You weren't being inappropriate, you were just having fun with me.
[he was having fun too. everything about Dawn has been so wonderful. he keeps his gaze downcast when she says she's flattered. he doesn't really know what to say to that. at least she's being nice to him about it, but that makes him feel bad too cause she shouldn't have to be.]
I'm sorry for making things weird between us. But like you said, I haven't acted on it and I won't. Not ever. So you don't gotta worry about that, ok?
Jason, stop calling yourself that. I know that you feel awkward and upset about this but I'm not going to sit here and let you degrade yourself like that. You didn't fuck anything up okay? So far as I'm concerned we are still friends, and as friends we should be able to talk about this without blame.
[Her hand loosens and she rubs her thumb across his knuckles.]
I'm not worried about you putting the moves on me, I know that you respect my relationship with Hank and my boundaries but this is a two way thing so I'd like talk about your boundaries. What are you comfortable with us doing?
[ he furrows his eyebrows, jaw clenching when she squeezes his hand. he also stops talking, cause he doesn't really have anything nice to say about himself right now, so maybe it's just better if doesn't say anything at all.
he's angry at himself for letting it all out of his head.
maybe she still wants to be friends, but he knows it'll all be different now. they'll never have that good, incredibly easy flow with each other like they did before he opened his stupid mouth, because she'll always be looking out for this now. she'll always feel too weird thinking about if she's leading him on. ]
[She's glad that he finally looks up at her, he's so much easier to read when she can see his eyes and she offers him a little smile.]
I mean things like this? [She gives his hand a comforting squeeze.] Can I still hug you or touch you, or shove you around like before or will that make you feel weird? I'm still comfortable with doing those things but I want to make sure you are as well.
The same goes for topics of conversation, would you like me to stop talking to you about sex and stuff like that?
[ he's not really sure why she's asking him this stuff and his eyebrows furrow again, much more confused this time. he still hasn't curled his fingers around hers. he doesn't want to make any of this weirder than it already is. ]
[Her smile grows into her usual full warm one when he curls his fingers around hers.]
I'm very touched to hear that because you're important to me too, Jason. I enjoy our time together. I have one last question about this situation though.
[he wants to trust what she says but he knows it's not always that easy. she'll say it now, but who knows if that's really how it's gonna be. maybe she just doesn't want to make things any more awkward right now. he doubts things will just keep going the way they've going lately. not with her knowing that he likes her. that he wishes he could be with her. he isn't going to think about that right now, though. or ever.
it's good to hear her say that he's important to her too. he just wants things to stay that way.]
[She's hoping that things stay easy between them, she suspects that in time his feelings for her will fade or that he'll find someone else. He's a good looking young man and his cocky charm is sure to attract lots of potential partners.]
For the sake of my own ego and burning curiosity, what was it that made you realize all of this?
[ he takes a very long sip of his wine, pulling a leg up against his chest as he looks at her. he's trying to keep this light now, but it's hard. it's hard, because he really does like her a lot.
maybe if he gets all of this out, he can just leave it. he can leave it in this room and they don't have to talk about it again. ]
You're so... beautiful and wonderful and kind. You let me be myself and you're okay with it. You're okay with me and you listen to my thoughts and my ideas, and you laugh at my jokes instead of roll your eyes or snap at me over them. You're so genuine in a way I wish I could be and when you smile, it really is like the sunrise. So I dunno what it was that made me realize, cause it wasn't just one thing. It all just kinda happened.
And I guess the other day when you hugged me and then Hank walked in... I felt jealous. I felt like... it wasn't fair that he got to say all this shit and act like a jerk and get to be with you. I'm sorry. That was really fucking terrible of me.
[She listens carefully, noting the way that he stresses the fact that part of what he likes so much about her is that she lets him be himself and it makes her wonder more about how he grew up and who he was surrounded by and why they never just let him be the sweet young man she's been getting to know lately.
Her eyes open a bit wider when he mentions being jealous of Hank because it's always the other way around, Hank being endlessly jealous of anything and everything which gets so tiresome. But Jason's jealousy is interesting because it seems to be coming from a place of longing, not insecurity and suspicion.]
No it's okay, it's not terrible. He was acting like a jerk.
[ when he finishes, he takes another long sip of his wine... he doesn't even like this stuff but it's what he needs right now. when he finishes his glass he lifts the bottle and pours himself some more. so much for thinking this was a bad idea. ]
Yeah, but. That doesn't mean I should be wishing it was me who was with you and not him. That's pretty fucking shitty.
[he looks down into his glass, swirling the liquid around.]
I know you're not and I know that you don't hate him either.
[She says and swirls the wine in her glass a bit before taking a long sip. She has a dozen more questions but none of them are appropriate to ask and would only embarrass and upset him so she will keep them to herself.]
So I still fully intend on having a chili dog feast while Dick is away and I hope you'll still join me.
[he'd be curious to know what her questions are, but in the end they probably dont' matter anyway. this is where it all begins and ends, and she doesn't need to say anything more about it. all he can do from here on out is apologize. ]
I'm sure Gar and Rachel have favorites too. Maybe you should ask them.
I'll try to find the place with the best ones. I want you to have the full on best experience.
[he's used to drinking, but his head feels a little fuzzy from the wine. he's not really buzzed yet and he's definitely not drunk. maybe it's just all the stress from tonight too.
does he want her to go?]
No, I don't want you to go. I never want you to go.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2022-03-28 02:16 am (UTC)You weren't. You weren't inappropriate at all. You were totally cool and awesome and I let myself get carried away.
[it's not often that anyone takes the time with him. tries to understand him in the way that she has. she lets him be himself and he started to fall for her because of it, and he feels like a fucking shitty friend for doing that. she didnt' ask for this.]
You don't want this, though. It would be good if I gave you some space.
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Date: 2022-03-28 02:49 am (UTC)[She says, her tone firm but kind and she reaches across to take his hand in hers.]
I'm honestly very surprised to learn that you have feelings for me and I don't hold them against you, because they're feelings and you're allowed to have them. If you were a shitty person, like you keep saying that you are, you would have tried to act on those feelings. But you didn't, because you're a good person, Jason.
And a good friend.
[She pauses for a moment and then smiles.]
Also, and this might be slightly inappropriate to say but I want to be honest with you...I'm also a little bit flattered.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 05:50 pm (UTC)[he knows she doesnt' want this, no matter what she says. of course she doesn't want this. he looks down at their hands when she takes his, but he doesn't make any attempt to do the same.
You say that now, but I fucked all of this up. You think you led me on but you didn't. You weren't being inappropriate, you were just having fun with me.
[he was having fun too. everything about Dawn has been so wonderful. he keeps his gaze downcast when she says she's flattered. he doesn't really know what to say to that. at least she's being nice to him about it, but that makes him feel bad too cause she shouldn't have to be.]
I'm sorry for making things weird between us. But like you said, I haven't acted on it and I won't. Not ever. So you don't gotta worry about that, ok?
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Date: 2022-03-28 06:36 pm (UTC)Jason, stop calling yourself that. I know that you feel awkward and upset about this but I'm not going to sit here and let you degrade yourself like that. You didn't fuck anything up okay? So far as I'm concerned we are still friends, and as friends we should be able to talk about this without blame.
[Her hand loosens and she rubs her thumb across his knuckles.]
I'm not worried about you putting the moves on me, I know that you respect my relationship with Hank and my boundaries but this is a two way thing so I'd like talk about your boundaries. What are you comfortable with us doing?
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Date: 2022-03-28 07:03 pm (UTC)he's angry at himself for letting it all out of his head.
maybe she still wants to be friends, but he knows it'll all be different now. they'll never have that good, incredibly easy flow with each other like they did before he opened his stupid mouth, because she'll always be looking out for this now. she'll always feel too weird thinking about if she's leading him on. ]
Comfortable with us doing?
[he asks eventually, finally glancing up at her.]
What do you mean?
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Date: 2022-03-28 07:27 pm (UTC)I mean things like this? [She gives his hand a comforting squeeze.] Can I still hug you or touch you, or shove you around like before or will that make you feel weird? I'm still comfortable with doing those things but I want to make sure you are as well.
The same goes for topics of conversation, would you like me to stop talking to you about sex and stuff like that?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 07:52 pm (UTC)Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable?
geee thanks dw, don't give me a notification or anything..... XD
Date: 2022-03-28 09:27 pm (UTC)So long as you do the same thing.
Does that sound okay to you?
oh wow, i havent gotten a single one either and they're not in my site inbox either D:
Date: 2022-03-28 10:03 pm (UTC)[ there's another moment of hesitation before he slowly curls his fingers around hers. ]
Yeah. That sounds okay.
I don't want things to change between us. You're important to me and I don't wanna lose what we have.
argh I hate it when it does this
Date: 2022-03-28 10:47 pm (UTC)[Her smile grows into her usual full warm one when he curls his fingers around hers.]
I'm very touched to hear that because you're important to me too, Jason. I enjoy our time together. I have one last question about this situation though.
haha good thing i've been keeping my threads open in my browser. so many tabs haha
Date: 2022-03-28 10:55 pm (UTC)[he wants to trust what she says but he knows it's not always that easy. she'll say it now, but who knows if that's really how it's gonna be. maybe she just doesn't want to make things any more awkward right now. he doubts things will just keep going the way they've going lately. not with her knowing that he likes her. that he wishes he could be with her. he isn't going to think about that right now, though. or ever.
it's good to hear her say that he's important to her too. he just wants things to stay that way.]
...What is it?
hahaha I would say sorry but I love all our threads too much ;)
Date: 2022-03-28 11:20 pm (UTC)For the sake of my own ego and burning curiosity, what was it that made you realize all of this?
hahaha me toooo that's why i wanna be sure i have them all in front of me xD
Date: 2022-03-28 11:27 pm (UTC)her question make his cheeks burn, and he lets out a small, surprised laugh, pulling his hand from hers so he can pick up the glass of wine instead. ]
Aw come on, you really gonna put me on the spot like this?
awww <3 also? Jason's crush on Dawn is so adorable
Date: 2022-03-28 11:57 pm (UTC)Absolutely I am.
[She says with a grin as she picks up her wine and takes a sip, looking at him over the rim of her glass.]
it's terrible ;___; lol
Date: 2022-03-29 12:17 am (UTC)maybe if he gets all of this out, he can just leave it. he can leave it in this room and they don't have to talk about it again. ]
You're so... beautiful and wonderful and kind. You let me be myself and you're okay with it. You're okay with me and you listen to my thoughts and my ideas, and you laugh at my jokes instead of roll your eyes or snap at me over them. You're so genuine in a way I wish I could be and when you smile, it really is like the sunrise. So I dunno what it was that made me realize, cause it wasn't just one thing. It all just kinda happened.
And I guess the other day when you hugged me and then Hank walked in... I felt jealous. I felt like... it wasn't fair that he got to say all this shit and act like a jerk and get to be with you. I'm sorry. That was really fucking terrible of me.
noooo it's not terrible, it's sweet, angsty and interesting :)
Date: 2022-03-29 12:51 am (UTC)Her eyes open a bit wider when he mentions being jealous of Hank because it's always the other way around, Hank being endlessly jealous of anything and everything which gets so tiresome. But Jason's jealousy is interesting because it seems to be coming from a place of longing, not insecurity and suspicion.]
No it's okay, it's not terrible. He was acting like a jerk.
[She says, taking another sip of wine.]
it's terrible for his poor heart lol
Date: 2022-03-29 12:57 am (UTC)Yeah, but. That doesn't mean I should be wishing it was me who was with you and not him. That's pretty fucking shitty.
[he looks down into his glass, swirling the liquid around.]
So. Yeah. Does that answer your question?
awww Jason :(
Date: 2022-03-29 03:02 am (UTC)I don't think it's shitty, I think it's a natural response when you like someone and they are with someone else.
[She nods.]
Yes, it does. Thank you for answering it.
:(
Date: 2022-03-29 03:17 am (UTC)I guess so. I don't want you to think I'm like... trying to be an asshole to Hank though.
[he isn't trying to be, but he's still a little angry about it and it still hurts. It hurts cause he likes her so much.]
Ok. Cool.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-29 04:12 am (UTC)[She says and swirls the wine in her glass a bit before taking a long sip. She has a dozen more questions but none of them are appropriate to ask and would only embarrass and upset him so she will keep them to herself.]
So I still fully intend on having a chili dog feast while Dick is away and I hope you'll still join me.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-29 04:20 am (UTC)[he'd be curious to know what her questions are, but in the end they probably dont' matter anyway. this is where it all begins and ends, and she doesn't need to say anything more about it. all he can do from here on out is apologize. ]
I'm sure Gar and Rachel have favorites too. Maybe you should ask them.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-29 04:40 am (UTC)I will, hopefully I can treat each of you to a favorite meal while Dick is gone.
[But Jason was the one she had wanted to treat the most, because she knew how happy it would make him.]
no subject
Date: 2022-03-29 04:48 am (UTC)Okay. We can still have a chili dog feast.
[he finishes his second glass of wine and considers switching to shots instead. maybe just by himself, though.]
Thanks for coming to talk to me. You don't gotta stay if you don't want to though.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-29 05:03 am (UTC)Great. I'm looking forward to it.
[She lifts an eyebrow at him.]
Do...you want me to go?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-29 05:12 am (UTC)[he's used to drinking, but his head feels a little fuzzy from the wine. he's not really buzzed yet and he's definitely not drunk. maybe it's just all the stress from tonight too.
does he want her to go?]
No, I don't want you to go. I never want you to go.
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