nomorefear: (gotham is my home)

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-03-31 11:53 pm (UTC)(link)
[ he's careful as he sits up- because of his back, but also because he's confused too, and she seems upset now. again, he's ready to apologize, but it feels hollow and he doesn't want to make things worse. she doesn't seem upset at him anyway. not when she squeezed him like that before moving away from him.

maybe it's the awkwardness of the situation.

so instead of apologizing he asks: ]


Are you okay?
nomorefear: (is this the beginning)

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-04-01 01:15 am (UTC)(link)
[ he furrows his eyebrows a little, but nods. feeling lots of things- he gets that. he gets it a lot. ]

Okay.

...sorry.

[either way, because he knows in some shape or form it does have to do with him, even if he can't put his finger on it.]

I'll give you some space to think.

[he climbs out of bed carefully, adjusting his shirt as he stands. he does one slow stretch of his arms up as he does so, glancing at her before he heads out of the room so he can go do some stretches on her yoga mat.]
nomorefear: (ch1)

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-04-01 02:21 am (UTC)(link)
[ Jason's not really a stretching kind of person. he's never been good at keeping it slow, or breathing, or any of that shit. luckily neither Bruce or Dick ever made him do too much of it because getting him to do so was more trouble than it was worth to them. much like everything else having to do with Jason.

but at the time he was cool with that part, at least.

right now though, he feels like he could use it. he hesitates for a moment, then peels his t-shirt off so he can stretch and move a little, folding it and putting it next to the mat before he starts to do a few stretches he remembers, to try and even his sore body out. ]
Edited (icon haha) 2022-04-01 02:31 (UTC)
nomorefear: (ch2)

SORRY DAWN. sorry not sorry lmao. here have another one while he internally monologues lol

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-04-01 02:58 am (UTC)(link)
[ it hurts when he stretches, especially cause he's been laying around for a while- but it also feels good. his body has been taking a beating for a while now. not just with this truck incident, but back in Gotham too. with Crane, the drugs, Nightwing. The Joker.

it's strange how he hasn't felt like he's been connected to his body since Crane brought him back. it makes sense, but it's still weird. maybe that's why he was more susceptible to the drugs and to all the shit being whispered into his ear. it's hard to maintain yourself when your vessel no longer feels like your own.

and he's always been detached from himself in a way. he's always hated himself in so many ways. Robin over Jason till the bitter end. but now this is all he's left with.

so he takes a moment to just try to feel himself out as he stretches and slowly moves his body in different ways. it hurts, but it's a good kind of pain. it helps him feel a little more connected again.

when he's on the mat, legs stretched out, he turns his body to reach behind him in a stretch and he sees Dawn there, watching him. a lot like he was watching her before. ]
nomorefear: (brooding hero)

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-04-01 04:12 am (UTC)(link)
[ shit.

she's standing there watching him.

and now she's blushing and running off and Jason quickly gets up before he can really think twice, grabbing his shirt and tugging it on with a small wince.

maybe he shouldn't, but he follows her into the kitchen, eyebrows drawn together as he approaches. ]


Hey... it's okay. I was watching you earlier too.

[he says, and then realizes how that sounds and scowls at himslef.]

I mean. Fuck. Not in a creepy way. Just. You were out there doing the same kinda thing and. What I'm trying to say is it's cool, and I'm sorry. And I'm not even fucking sure what I'm apologizing for anymore, you just seem upset.
nomorefear: (is this the beginning)

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-04-01 06:37 am (UTC)(link)
You didn't interrupt. You ran off so quick, I didn't have a chance to say anything.

[he eyes her, then shifts his gaze away, dragging his fingers through his hair.]

Yeah, I was. You were so relaxing to watch. So graceful. But what I'm saying is you don't have to apologize, I did the same thing.

[and he's embarrassed too. he wonders if he should have just kept all of that to himself, but he really doesn't want her to feel bad.]

You weren't. It's okay. I feel like I'm the one who made you uncomfortable though and I don't wanna do that. I don't want to, and I keep fucking doing it.
nomorefear: (15492829)

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-04-01 07:33 am (UTC)(link)
[there's something about the way she steps closer to him, the tone in her voice. there's something here that he's not picking up on at first. how could he possibly?

but then she mentions being in bed with him as she reaches out to touch him and he feels... fuck, he feels like he's starting to get it now.

that last part about him being an attractive, shirtless man is what really does him in though, and his mouth fall open as he blinks at her because she can't possibly. can she?
]

What are you saying? That you're... that I'm... what?
Edited 2022-04-01 07:34 (UTC)
nomorefear: (is this the end)

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-04-01 05:13 pm (UTC)(link)
[he is confused and shocked. he's confused and shocked because while he doesn't want to jump to any conclusions, it sounds like she's attracted to him. or by him... or maybe because they were laying in bed together and he took his shirt off and now he's fucking it all up by standing here looked shocked like an idiot.]

No, you're fine. It's okay. I'm just...

[he looks down at himself, pulling his shirt at the hem, eyebrows furrowing. friend she says, as if any of this is normal. are they friends? ]

I think... I think we could both use some space, yeah? I think maybe we're just... we need a little space. I'm gonna go up to the garden.
nomorefear: (3578478-5)

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-04-01 05:36 pm (UTC)(link)
[ they're with each other here, day and night. they see each other all day long, and only each other. maybe that's all it is. maybe she's just.... he's not really sure. he's not sure how to finish that sentence and it isn't fair to finish it for her, so. so they need some space.

he drags his fingers through his hair, then turns and leaves the kitchen, going to grab his shoes and a hoodie. the weather has been getting nicer, but it's still chilly up on the roof.

it'll be good to get some air. ]
nomorefear: (the call is coming from inside)

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-04-02 04:55 pm (UTC)(link)
[Jason has tried not to think about how he feels about her. his emotions are still a jumble, and he feels like most of the time his head is still trying to break free of the hold that drug had on him.

he can't trust himself. he can't trust anything inside of himself anymore. all he can think about are the tears he cried to lur Hank to his inevitable death.

he sits on the ground near the plants they planted together, bringing his legs up against his chest. the bruise along his back stretches and it hurts to sit, but the pain is grounding. it helps him think.

the thing is, he doesn't even know what to think about. he doesn't know if he should. he ran away from Gotham because he's a murderer. not to come to Paris and fall in love with Dawn.

fall in love?? fuck. no. he shoves the thought out of his head so hard. that's not for him, not anymore. it never really was and he knew that even back then. but now he knows for sure that life is over and he doesn't deserve shit anymore. he doesn't even know if Dick and the others are alive or not and he's sitting here with Dawn, feeling all this comfort.

he pulls his phone out and punches Dick's number into it and hits send before he can stop himself. it rings a couple times before connecting and Jason can hear his very distinct and very alive Hello? Who is this? filtering through from the other end. Jason swallows hard and hangs up because he can't say anything. what would he even say?

but he's alive. at least he's alive. that doesn't solve anything with Dawn, though.
]
nomorefear: (15492830)

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-04-03 12:29 am (UTC)(link)
[ Jason sits there thinking and thinking and beating himself up and then telling himself off up on the roof for a good, long time. part of him hopes that Dawn comes up here eventually, but he knows she won't. he said he needed some space and she's good at respecting that.

at respecting him.

he doesn't deserve that either, he knows that much for sure. but... that's not how this works. that's not how she is. that's not how they are with each other- and when and how that happened, he doesn't know.

and now... she called him attractive. she suggested they have more sleepovers together. she touches him in such an affectionate way. She misses Hank, his brain tells him- but he also remembers her telling him how relieved she felt that it was over. he's so confused.

but sitting up here without her isn't helping to un-confuse him, and maybe that's just it. he needs her here. he was never very good with space anyway, and in the end it isn't doing a whole lot of good. so he finally gets himself up, does a little more stretching up here on the roof, and then he heads back downstairs.

before he leaves though, he plucks a rose from the blooming bush and brings it down with him.

by the time he heads back down she's in the bathroom. he approaches slowly and slides the rose in the curl of the doorknob, then goes to heat up the pizza and make a nice salad to go with it, just to give himself something else to do. ]
nomorefear: (this should cover it)

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-04-03 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
[ he hears her coming out of the bathroom and his heart rate picks up. it's stupid, he tells himself. it's fine. there's plenty he's been afraid of and this doesn't need to be one of those things.

whatever this is with Dawn, it's normal and good. two very foreign things to him, but maybe that's why it should just be okay.

so he keeps up working on the salad, chopping up the fresh veggies he picked up this morning and is adding them to a big bowl when he can hear her heading towards the kitchen. when she gets here, he turns towards her and gives her a small smile, glancing at the flower in her hair before looking at her again. ]


Hey.
nomorefear: (this should cover it)

[personal profile] nomorefear 2022-04-03 01:50 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah? Good. I made a salad too.

[should they talk? maybe they should talk, but he doesn't want to push it. he just wants things to be okay with her.]

Can we eat on the couch? I was sitting on the solid ground up there for a while and I could use something more cushiony.

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sorry Dawn ;_;

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