[There's a moment of panic in her chest when he says that they need space and she tells it to stop, especially since he just wants to go up to the garden.]
Okay.
[She says softly and takes a step back from him, her stomach feeling twisted up in knots.]
[ they're with each other here, day and night. they see each other all day long, and only each other. maybe that's all it is. maybe she's just.... he's not really sure. he's not sure how to finish that sentence and it isn't fair to finish it for her, so. so they need some space.
he drags his fingers through his hair, then turns and leaves the kitchen, going to grab his shoes and a hoodie. the weather has been getting nicer, but it's still chilly up on the roof.
[She watches him leave to head up to the roof and then slowly leans against the kitchen counter, taking a few slow breaths to try and steady herself. She feels awful for making him feel uncomfortable as well as guilty for being attracted to him as it seems to have messed everything up.
And yet part of her is curious if he feels the same way, she can't forget the way he called her beautiful when he bought her that lovely blue scarf, or how he's mentioned a few times that she's like the morning sunrise.]
He's probably just being nice.
[She mutters to herself and makes herself move around the kitchen, putting away dishes.]
[Jason has tried not to think about how he feels about her. his emotions are still a jumble, and he feels like most of the time his head is still trying to break free of the hold that drug had on him.
he can't trust himself. he can't trust anything inside of himself anymore. all he can think about are the tears he cried to lur Hank to his inevitable death.
he sits on the ground near the plants they planted together, bringing his legs up against his chest. the bruise along his back stretches and it hurts to sit, but the pain is grounding. it helps him think.
the thing is, he doesn't even know what to think about. he doesn't know if he should. he ran away from Gotham because he's a murderer. not to come to Paris and fall in love with Dawn.
fall in love?? fuck. no. he shoves the thought out of his head so hard. that's not for him, not anymore. it never really was and he knew that even back then. but now he knows for sure that life is over and he doesn't deserve shit anymore. he doesn't even know if Dick and the others are alive or not and he's sitting here with Dawn, feeling all this comfort.
he pulls his phone out and punches Dick's number into it and hits send before he can stop himself. it rings a couple times before connecting and Jason can hear his very distinct and very alive Hello? Who is this? filtering through from the other end. Jason swallows hard and hangs up because he can't say anything. what would he even say?
but he's alive. at least he's alive. that doesn't solve anything with Dawn, though.]
[Moving around the kitchen, putting things away, helps bring back a little bit of order to her thoughts. She still doesn't know what to do about Jason, or her attraction towards him, but things seem a little less distraught and hopefully when he comes back they can either pretend like nothing happened or agree that it's a momentary thing that she felt and move on from there as she doesn't want this to ruin the slow but comfortable connection that they've been creating together.
She sighs and looks around the apartment, trying to decide what she should do now to try and take her mind off things. Usually she would go up to the garden but Jason is up there and she wants to give him some space, she could go read in her bedroom but part of her doesn't want to see the tousled sheets because it will just remind her of laying in bed with him. Finally she decides to have a bubble bath, it might help relax her and should Jason come back down it will still allow him some distance from her.
With that decided she grabs a book from the living room and goes to run herself a bath.]
[ Jason sits there thinking and thinking and beating himself up and then telling himself off up on the roof for a good, long time. part of him hopes that Dawn comes up here eventually, but he knows she won't. he said he needed some space and she's good at respecting that.
at respecting him.
he doesn't deserve that either, he knows that much for sure. but... that's not how this works. that's not how she is. that's not how they are with each other- and when and how that happened, he doesn't know.
and now... she called him attractive. she suggested they have more sleepovers together. she touches him in such an affectionate way. She misses Hank, his brain tells him- but he also remembers her telling him how relieved she felt that it was over. he's so confused.
but sitting up here without her isn't helping to un-confuse him, and maybe that's just it. he needs her here. he was never very good with space anyway, and in the end it isn't doing a whole lot of good. so he finally gets himself up, does a little more stretching up here on the roof, and then he heads back downstairs.
before he leaves though, he plucks a rose from the blooming bush and brings it down with him.
by the time he heads back down she's in the bathroom. he approaches slowly and slides the rose in the curl of the doorknob, then goes to heat up the pizza and make a nice salad to go with it, just to give himself something else to do. ]
[After dumping in a generous amount of bubble bath she fills the large clawfoot bathtub with water that is almost scalding hot, she then pulls her hair up into a high bun and disrobes. She sighs as she lowers herself into the tub, wincing a little at how hot it is against her skin but also enjoying the sensation, it helps ground her back in her body and less in her emotions and thoughts.
She leans back in the tub and opens her book to where she last left off and soon she finds herself so engrossed in The Tale of Monte Cristo that she doesn't hear the front door open, signaling Jason's return, she also doesn't hear him approach the bathroom door. She spends a good half an hour, lounging and soaking in the tub and by the time she climbs out and towels off she's feeling a lot more like herself. More in control.
She wraps herself up in a towel, gathers her things and goes to leave the bathroom so she can get changed into some regular clothes and not her workout gear. When she opens the door she is surprised to find the rose but there's no question as to who left it for her and instead of making her feel confused it makes her smile. She goes into her room and closes the door, letting the towel drop from around her body and for one moment she lets herself stand alone, naked, smelling the sweet aroma of the rose.
It doesn't take long for her to get changed into a big comfortable sweater and jeans and by then she can smell the pizza so she tucks the rose into her pinned up hair and heads out to the kitchen.]
[ he hears her coming out of the bathroom and his heart rate picks up. it's stupid, he tells himself. it's fine. there's plenty he's been afraid of and this doesn't need to be one of those things.
whatever this is with Dawn, it's normal and good. two very foreign things to him, but maybe that's why it should just be okay.
so he keeps up working on the salad, chopping up the fresh veggies he picked up this morning and is adding them to a big bowl when he can hear her heading towards the kitchen. when she gets here, he turns towards her and gives her a small smile, glancing at the flower in her hair before looking at her again. ]
[She says, grateful that he's smiling at her and not avoiding eye contact, it helps makes things feel a bit easier again and she comes fully into the kitchen.]
I don't know how but that pizza smells even better now.
[She says and starts taking out plates and utensils for them.]
I think I kinda went overboard with the veggies but... it's cool. It'll balance out having pizza twice in one day.
[not that it matters, he's just trying to make conversation. he clearly sucks at it. he's not sure how the fuck he ever convinced anyone that he was nothing more than a cocky little shit. it all feels so hard now.
he does smile at her though.]
Think it's a little late for that.... felt good to sit up there for a while, started to get chilly though.
Exactly my thoughts, balance is key they say. Although I'll never know who 'they' are....
[She's also just trying to make conversation, figuring that once they get started it might help ease some of the awkwardness between them. His smile is encouraging though.]
Yeah it gets chilly once the sun starts to go down, but I'm sure after some pizza you'll warm up. Do you want me to grab it out of the oven?
Scientists or some shit. People who are too smart for their own good.
[and probably doctors, but he doesn't want to bring those up right now. doctors have never been a good thing. he kinda hopes that mentioning being up there will kick start the conversation they need to have, but he realizes it's gonna have to be him. she probably feels like she shouldn't say anything about it anymore.]
[She certainly doesn't want to bring up doctors either and when he says that he's got it she nods and passes him the oven mitts.]
Okay, I'll get us some water then.
[She grabs two glasses and fills them with ice and water, taking some of the fresh mint they've collected from up in the garden and adding a sprig to each glass.]
[ he takes the mitts from her and pulls the pizza out of the oven, setting them on the plates, then brings them over along with the salad to set on the coffee table. it's cozier here than the dining room table, and maybe for now that's okay.
once they've got everything they need, he sits carefully, wincing slightly at the pull on his back as he does so, but it's fine.
once she comes to sit, he glances at her.]
So uh... I felt a little bad picking the rose, but I wanted to bring one down for you. Hope that's okay.
[The second he takes the pizza out of the oven her stomach growls and she realizes that within the span of Jason being here with her, her appetite has come back almost fully. She grabs the waters and follows him to the couch, letting him sit down first before joining him.]
[ he glances down for a moment when she looks at him, trying to figure out what to say. he honestly has no idea, and maybe that's all he needs to say. he looks up at her and nods. ]
Yeah. I think so. I'm just not really sure... what to say. So I'm telling you that I don't know what to say cause I wanna be honest with you.
Jason's gaze shifts down again. oh, that. right. because she is right, of course, but it's hard for him to feel anything sensibly right or wrong when it comes to all of it. she's right, but he also killed people. he killed Hank. it's hard for his mind not to go back to that, even if that's not exactly what she's talking about. ]
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Okay.
[She says softly and takes a step back from him, her stomach feeling twisted up in knots.]
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he drags his fingers through his hair, then turns and leaves the kitchen, going to grab his shoes and a hoodie. the weather has been getting nicer, but it's still chilly up on the roof.
it'll be good to get some air. ]
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And yet part of her is curious if he feels the same way, she can't forget the way he called her beautiful when he bought her that lovely blue scarf, or how he's mentioned a few times that she's like the morning sunrise.]
He's probably just being nice.
[She mutters to herself and makes herself move around the kitchen, putting away dishes.]
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he can't trust himself. he can't trust anything inside of himself anymore. all he can think about are the tears he cried to lur Hank to his inevitable death.
he sits on the ground near the plants they planted together, bringing his legs up against his chest. the bruise along his back stretches and it hurts to sit, but the pain is grounding. it helps him think.
the thing is, he doesn't even know what to think about. he doesn't know if he should. he ran away from Gotham because he's a murderer. not to come to Paris and fall in love with Dawn.
fall in love?? fuck. no. he shoves the thought out of his head so hard. that's not for him, not anymore. it never really was and he knew that even back then. but now he knows for sure that life is over and he doesn't deserve shit anymore. he doesn't even know if Dick and the others are alive or not and he's sitting here with Dawn, feeling all this comfort.
he pulls his phone out and punches Dick's number into it and hits send before he can stop himself. it rings a couple times before connecting and Jason can hear his very distinct and very alive Hello? Who is this? filtering through from the other end. Jason swallows hard and hangs up because he can't say anything. what would he even say?
but he's alive. at least he's alive. that doesn't solve anything with Dawn, though.]
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She sighs and looks around the apartment, trying to decide what she should do now to try and take her mind off things. Usually she would go up to the garden but Jason is up there and she wants to give him some space, she could go read in her bedroom but part of her doesn't want to see the tousled sheets because it will just remind her of laying in bed with him. Finally she decides to have a bubble bath, it might help relax her and should Jason come back down it will still allow him some distance from her.
With that decided she grabs a book from the living room and goes to run herself a bath.]
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at respecting him.
he doesn't deserve that either, he knows that much for sure. but... that's not how this works. that's not how she is. that's not how they are with each other- and when and how that happened, he doesn't know.
and now... she called him attractive. she suggested they have more sleepovers together. she touches him in such an affectionate way. She misses Hank, his brain tells him- but he also remembers her telling him how relieved she felt that it was over. he's so confused.
but sitting up here without her isn't helping to un-confuse him, and maybe that's just it. he needs her here. he was never very good with space anyway, and in the end it isn't doing a whole lot of good. so he finally gets himself up, does a little more stretching up here on the roof, and then he heads back downstairs.
before he leaves though, he plucks a rose from the blooming bush and brings it down with him.
by the time he heads back down she's in the bathroom. he approaches slowly and slides the rose in the curl of the doorknob, then goes to heat up the pizza and make a nice salad to go with it, just to give himself something else to do. ]
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She leans back in the tub and opens her book to where she last left off and soon she finds herself so engrossed in The Tale of Monte Cristo that she doesn't hear the front door open, signaling Jason's return, she also doesn't hear him approach the bathroom door. She spends a good half an hour, lounging and soaking in the tub and by the time she climbs out and towels off she's feeling a lot more like herself. More in control.
She wraps herself up in a towel, gathers her things and goes to leave the bathroom so she can get changed into some regular clothes and not her workout gear. When she opens the door she is surprised to find the rose but there's no question as to who left it for her and instead of making her feel confused it makes her smile. She goes into her room and closes the door, letting the towel drop from around her body and for one moment she lets herself stand alone, naked, smelling the sweet aroma of the rose.
It doesn't take long for her to get changed into a big comfortable sweater and jeans and by then she can smell the pizza so she tucks the rose into her pinned up hair and heads out to the kitchen.]
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whatever this is with Dawn, it's normal and good. two very foreign things to him, but maybe that's why it should just be okay.
so he keeps up working on the salad, chopping up the fresh veggies he picked up this morning and is adding them to a big bowl when he can hear her heading towards the kitchen. when she gets here, he turns towards her and gives her a small smile, glancing at the flower in her hair before looking at her again. ]
Hey.
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[She says, grateful that he's smiling at her and not avoiding eye contact, it helps makes things feel a bit easier again and she comes fully into the kitchen.]
I don't know how but that pizza smells even better now.
[She says and starts taking out plates and utensils for them.]
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[should they talk? maybe they should talk, but he doesn't want to push it. he just wants things to be okay with her.]
Can we eat on the couch? I was sitting on the solid ground up there for a while and I could use something more cushiony.
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[She chuckles softly and nods.]
Yeah, of course. I don't want your butt to get as bruised as your back.
[It's a bit of light teasing and she hopes that it makes him smile and remember their earlier jokes about his butt.]
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[not that it matters, he's just trying to make conversation. he clearly sucks at it. he's not sure how the fuck he ever convinced anyone that he was nothing more than a cocky little shit. it all feels so hard now.
he does smile at her though.]
Think it's a little late for that.... felt good to sit up there for a while, started to get chilly though.
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[She's also just trying to make conversation, figuring that once they get started it might help ease some of the awkwardness between them. His smile is encouraging though.]
Yeah it gets chilly once the sun starts to go down, but I'm sure after some pizza you'll warm up. Do you want me to grab it out of the oven?
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[and probably doctors, but he doesn't want to bring those up right now. doctors have never been a good thing. he kinda hopes that mentioning being up there will kick start the conversation they need to have, but he realizes it's gonna have to be him. she probably feels like she shouldn't say anything about it anymore.]
It's cool, I've got it.
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Okay, I'll get us some water then.
[She grabs two glasses and fills them with ice and water, taking some of the fresh mint they've collected from up in the garden and adding a sprig to each glass.]
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once they've got everything they need, he sits carefully, wincing slightly at the pull on his back as he does so, but it's fine.
once she comes to sit, he glances at her.]
So uh... I felt a little bad picking the rose, but I wanted to bring one down for you. Hope that's okay.
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It's more than okay.
[She says with a warm smile.]
It's beautiful, thank you for bringing it down.
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And... you? Are you okay too?
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[She says and then looks up into his eyes.]
Urm...are you?
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Yeah. I think so. I'm just not really sure... what to say. So I'm telling you that I don't know what to say cause I wanna be honest with you.
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I appreciate that, thank you. I...like that we can be honest with each other, it feels important considering...
[She pauses, taking a deep breath.]
Considering everything that you've been through.
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he does furrow his eyebrows at her words, though.]
What I've been through?
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Jason's gaze shifts down again. oh, that. right. because she is right, of course, but it's hard for him to feel anything sensibly right or wrong when it comes to all of it. she's right, but he also killed people. he killed Hank. it's hard for his mind not to go back to that, even if that's not exactly what she's talking about. ]
Yeah. It's important.
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So even if it causes a few moments of awkwardness, like earlier, I'd like for us to try and keep that honesty going.
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ooc: figured we would skip ahead a little to the next morning
sorry Dawn ;_;
ohhh nooooo!
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