[ he knows if he tells her, it's going to change everything between them. it'll make things even more awkward and uncomfortable. that's why he tried so fucking hard to change the subject earlier.
but of course he failed, and now he's stuck, and he doesn't really want to lie to her face. ]
You.
[he can feel his heart jump into his throat when he says it, and his stomach is all knots now. he doesn't even look at her. he can't, or he might burst out in fucking tears or something disgustingly embarrassing like that, and he's already at his limit.]
I like you. I like you a lot, like... I have feelings for you and I'm so fucking sorry. I know you're with Hank and you're older than me and so fucking far outta my league, which isn't even the point, but it doesn't matter, ok? I'm not gonna do anything or say anything and we can still just be friends, right? I swear to fucking god that's all I wanna be, okay?
Dawn can only stand there in silence for a moment while her brain tries to come to terms with what Jason just admitted, the more she thinks about it though the more it kind of makes sense and she suddenly feels like the worst person in the world because all this time she had just been trying to form a fun friendship with Jason and now she's worried that she somehow led him on.
She also feels vaguely annoyed at Dick because she knows he would probably say 'i told you so' if he found out about this, he even mentioned that she should be careful to not encourage Jason's flirtatious nature too much.]
[ their friendship has been good and fun, and he's trying to tell her that none of this is her fault. she didn't lead him on, he's just a terrible fucking person and somewhere between all her kindness and all of their ridiculous flirting he started to really like her, more and more and god, what a shitty guy thing to do. ]
I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't gonna say anything and I really didn't want to, but you know me. I did a shitty job at not being a shitty person and now I fucked it all up.
Anyway that's all it is so don't think it's you, alright? I'm really grateful that you've been trying so hard with me and I just wanna say thanks. Thanks for trying. I'm gonna leave you the fuck alone now. Sorry.
[he keeps his arms crossed tight around himself as he moves past her quickly and practically bolts off to his room. he wonders if he can talk Dick into letting him go to Detroit with him cause he doesn't think he can stay here right now. he knows he should give Dawn some space.]
[Is all she gets to say before he bolts from the kitchen towards his room and she swears under her breath and stands in the kitchen alone for a moment.
Jason. Jason has feelings for her.
It seems so wild to her, especially because she was pretty sure it was Dick he had a crush on, but maybe it's both of them now. Then again, maybe it's not so bizarre once you think about it. There's not really a lot of them in this place and they see one another every day, sometimes in tight workout clothes, and it's not like she's some hideous old crone like she jokes about being.]
Hrm.
[She says and goes into the lower cupboard where she knows Donna has stashed a bottle of red wine, she then grabs two wine glasses and heads down to Jason's room. Because she'll be damned if she's gonna have this next conversation entirely sober.]
[ whether he can leave or not, Jason grabs his bag and throws it on his bed, feeling his hot tears finally pushing their way out of him. he wipes at them angrily, then goes to put his music on, desperately wanting to drown his thoughts out.
it's fine. it's fine. he'll just stay away from her for a while and get over his stupid feelings and then maybe she'll feel comfortable enough to wanna be around him again, even if it won't be like before.
everything was so good with her and he fucked it all up. he's so angry at himself for telling her. he couldn't even handle keeping it to himself. he's such a piece of shit.
he grabs some of his clothes off the floor and shoves them into his bag before yanking his hoodie off his chair to pull it on. he knows Dick probably isn't even leaving tonight but he just wants to be ready for when he is. ]
[She hears the music, an obvious sign that she should keep out and away, but instead of walking past his room she knocks on the door. When it's obvious he doesn't hear it, she tries again but louder.]
[ he hears it. he hears it and he knows it's her, and he doesn't want to do this. he's scared, though. if he doesn't talk to her now, what if she never talks to him again? but what if he does and things get even weirder and then she'll end up never talking to him anyway.
but then what if...fuck. he knows he needs to stop this. he needs to stop acting like a scared shitbag and just deal with this. he drags his fingers through his hair hard, then shuts his music off and goes to pull his door open. ]
[ he looks at the bottle of wine and the two glasses, and hesitates. he's not so sure this is a good idea. in fact, it sounds like a really bad idea. ]
I'm driving you to drink, huh.
[for a moment he almost suggests that she go drink with her boyfriend instead, but he has a feeling she wouldn't like that very much. ]
You don't have to do this, Dawn. This is totally on me, alright? We don't have to do any of this.
[ he sighs softly, looking away, then nods and opens his door all the way to let her in. it's not like he doesn't want her here. he does, and that's the problem.
he's not even sure if he should close his door all the way, or if that might make her feel uncomfortable, but in the end he does, because the last thing he needs is for anyone to walk by and overhear them.
[She comes in and instead of sitting on the bed or the chairs he has she gracefully sinks to the floor, sitting cross legged. She opens the wine and proceeds to pour herself and him a glass, when he doesn't really approach her she motions for him to join her.]
First things first, I want you to know that you are not a shitty person, because if you were I wouldn't enjoy hanging out with you so much. Second, I'm not upset or angry at you for telling me how you feel. I appreciate you being honest with me.
[ he stands there for a moment longer before he goes to join her, sinking down on the floor across from her, pulling his hoodie sleeves over his hands as he looks at her. ]
I'm a shitty person for this. For all of this. All you've done is try to be my friend and be kind to me and here I am, fucking it all up. You shouldn't have to deal with this shit.
[and maybe it's good that he was honest with her, but he could have just done a better job of trying to get over this and not ruining what they had.]
[When he finally joins her on the floor she passes him a glass of wine.]
Jason, just because you've got feelings for me doesn't mean that you're a shitty person and it doesn't mean that it's fucking everything up. It's not like you set out intentionally for this to happen.
[She pauses and takes a sip of wine before looking into his eyes.]
I'd prefer it if you stayed so that we can work through this but that's your decision and I'll respect it.
[ he's usually better at not letting himself tear himself down in front of others so openly. it's something he's worked hard on. a well crafted cockiness while the rest of it all goes on in his head. but now... now there are too many emotions, and he's fucked up too badly and it's all flowing out. ]
You weren't. You weren't inappropriate at all. You were totally cool and awesome and I let myself get carried away.
[it's not often that anyone takes the time with him. tries to understand him in the way that she has. she lets him be himself and he started to fall for her because of it, and he feels like a fucking shitty friend for doing that. she didnt' ask for this.]
You don't want this, though. It would be good if I gave you some space.
Jason, please don't assume that you know what I do or don't want.
[She says, her tone firm but kind and she reaches across to take his hand in hers.]
I'm honestly very surprised to learn that you have feelings for me and I don't hold them against you, because they're feelings and you're allowed to have them. If you were a shitty person, like you keep saying that you are, you would have tried to act on those feelings. But you didn't, because you're a good person, Jason. And a good friend.
[She pauses for a moment and then smiles.]
Also, and this might be slightly inappropriate to say but I want to be honest with you...I'm also a little bit flattered.
I mean...okay sure you can say that all you want, but I'm pretty positive you don't want some 19 year old shitbag who's supposed to be your friend being all into you instead. I think it's pretty safe to assume Hank wouldn't want that either.
[he knows she doesnt' want this, no matter what she says. of course she doesn't want this. he looks down at their hands when she takes his, but he doesn't make any attempt to do the same.
You say that now, but I fucked all of this up. You think you led me on but you didn't. You weren't being inappropriate, you were just having fun with me.
[he was having fun too. everything about Dawn has been so wonderful. he keeps his gaze downcast when she says she's flattered. he doesn't really know what to say to that. at least she's being nice to him about it, but that makes him feel bad too cause she shouldn't have to be.]
I'm sorry for making things weird between us. But like you said, I haven't acted on it and I won't. Not ever. So you don't gotta worry about that, ok?
Jason, stop calling yourself that. I know that you feel awkward and upset about this but I'm not going to sit here and let you degrade yourself like that. You didn't fuck anything up okay? So far as I'm concerned we are still friends, and as friends we should be able to talk about this without blame.
[Her hand loosens and she rubs her thumb across his knuckles.]
I'm not worried about you putting the moves on me, I know that you respect my relationship with Hank and my boundaries but this is a two way thing so I'd like talk about your boundaries. What are you comfortable with us doing?
[ he furrows his eyebrows, jaw clenching when she squeezes his hand. he also stops talking, cause he doesn't really have anything nice to say about himself right now, so maybe it's just better if doesn't say anything at all.
he's angry at himself for letting it all out of his head.
maybe she still wants to be friends, but he knows it'll all be different now. they'll never have that good, incredibly easy flow with each other like they did before he opened his stupid mouth, because she'll always be looking out for this now. she'll always feel too weird thinking about if she's leading him on. ]
[She's glad that he finally looks up at her, he's so much easier to read when she can see his eyes and she offers him a little smile.]
I mean things like this? [She gives his hand a comforting squeeze.] Can I still hug you or touch you, or shove you around like before or will that make you feel weird? I'm still comfortable with doing those things but I want to make sure you are as well.
The same goes for topics of conversation, would you like me to stop talking to you about sex and stuff like that?
[ he's not really sure why she's asking him this stuff and his eyebrows furrow again, much more confused this time. he still hasn't curled his fingers around hers. he doesn't want to make any of this weirder than it already is. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2022-03-27 07:57 am (UTC)but of course he failed, and now he's stuck, and he doesn't really want to lie to her face. ]
You.
[he can feel his heart jump into his throat when he says it, and his stomach is all knots now. he doesn't even look at her. he can't, or he might burst out in fucking tears or something disgustingly embarrassing like that, and he's already at his limit.]
I like you. I like you a lot, like... I have feelings for you and I'm so fucking sorry. I know you're with Hank and you're older than me and so fucking far outta my league, which isn't even the point, but it doesn't matter, ok? I'm not gonna do anything or say anything and we can still just be friends, right? I swear to fucking god that's all I wanna be, okay?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-27 08:14 am (UTC)Dawn can only stand there in silence for a moment while her brain tries to come to terms with what Jason just admitted, the more she thinks about it though the more it kind of makes sense and she suddenly feels like the worst person in the world because all this time she had just been trying to form a fun friendship with Jason and now she's worried that she somehow led him on.
She also feels vaguely annoyed at Dick because she knows he would probably say 'i told you so' if he found out about this, he even mentioned that she should be careful to not encourage Jason's flirtatious nature too much.]
Wow.
[She breathes, running a hand through her hair.]
I.... wasn't expecting that.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-27 08:30 am (UTC)I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't gonna say anything and I really didn't want to, but you know me. I did a shitty job at not being a shitty person and now I fucked it all up.
Anyway that's all it is so don't think it's you, alright? I'm really grateful that you've been trying so hard with me and I just wanna say thanks. Thanks for trying. I'm gonna leave you the fuck alone now. Sorry.
[he keeps his arms crossed tight around himself as he moves past her quickly and practically bolts off to his room. he wonders if he can talk Dick into letting him go to Detroit with him cause he doesn't think he can stay here right now. he knows he should give Dawn some space.]
no subject
Date: 2022-03-27 05:34 pm (UTC)[Is all she gets to say before he bolts from the kitchen towards his room and she swears under her breath and stands in the kitchen alone for a moment.
Jason.
Jason has feelings for her.
It seems so wild to her, especially because she was pretty sure it was Dick he had a crush on, but maybe it's both of them now. Then again, maybe it's not so bizarre once you think about it. There's not really a lot of them in this place and they see one another every day, sometimes in tight workout clothes, and it's not like she's some hideous old crone like she jokes about being.]
Hrm.
[She says and goes into the lower cupboard where she knows Donna has stashed a bottle of red wine, she then grabs two wine glasses and heads down to Jason's room. Because she'll be damned if she's gonna have this next conversation entirely sober.]
no subject
Date: 2022-03-27 05:49 pm (UTC)it's fine. it's fine. he'll just stay away from her for a while and get over his stupid feelings and then maybe she'll feel comfortable enough to wanna be around him again, even if it won't be like before.
everything was so good with her and he fucked it all up. he's so angry at himself for telling her. he couldn't even handle keeping it to himself. he's such a piece of shit.
he grabs some of his clothes off the floor and shoves them into his bag before yanking his hoodie off his chair to pull it on. he knows Dick probably isn't even leaving tonight but he just wants to be ready for when he is. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-03-27 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-27 06:10 pm (UTC)but then what if...fuck. he knows he needs to stop this. he needs to stop acting like a scared shitbag and just deal with this. he drags his fingers through his hair hard, then shuts his music off and goes to pull his door open. ]
What?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-27 06:21 pm (UTC)[She says calmly and then holds up the bottle of wine and glasses.]
Can I come in?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-27 06:35 pm (UTC)I'm driving you to drink, huh.
[for a moment he almost suggests that she go drink with her boyfriend instead, but he has a feeling she wouldn't like that very much. ]
You don't have to do this, Dawn. This is totally on me, alright? We don't have to do any of this.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-27 07:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-27 07:32 pm (UTC)he's not even sure if he should close his door all the way, or if that might make her feel uncomfortable, but in the end he does, because the last thing he needs is for anyone to walk by and overhear them.
Hank would kill him for this. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-03-27 11:27 pm (UTC)First things first, I want you to know that you are not a shitty person, because if you were I wouldn't enjoy hanging out with you so much. Second, I'm not upset or angry at you for telling me how you feel. I appreciate you being honest with me.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 12:33 am (UTC)I'm a shitty person for this. For all of this. All you've done is try to be my friend and be kind to me and here I am, fucking it all up. You shouldn't have to deal with this shit.
[and maybe it's good that he was honest with her, but he could have just done a better job of trying to get over this and not ruining what they had.]
I'm gonna ask Dick if I can go with him.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 01:06 am (UTC)Jason, just because you've got feelings for me doesn't mean that you're a shitty person and it doesn't mean that it's fucking everything up. It's not like you set out intentionally for this to happen.
[She pauses and takes a sip of wine before looking into his eyes.]
I'd prefer it if you stayed so that we can work through this but that's your decision and I'll respect it.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 01:20 am (UTC)I know, but. It was so stupid of me. You were just trying to be nice to me. You were trying to understand me and I feel like.
[he shakes his head, looking down.]
I feel like I took advantage of that.
[maybe he shouldn't be saying this either, but this is what the two of them are now, isn't it? they're honest and open with each other.]
Work through this?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 01:54 am (UTC)Well you didn't, and if we're being honest I feel like I'm the stupid one for not noticing and potentially being inappropriate with you.
[She admits and then offers him a soft smile.]
Of course, I'm not about to throw away our connection.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 02:16 am (UTC)You weren't. You weren't inappropriate at all. You were totally cool and awesome and I let myself get carried away.
[it's not often that anyone takes the time with him. tries to understand him in the way that she has. she lets him be himself and he started to fall for her because of it, and he feels like a fucking shitty friend for doing that. she didnt' ask for this.]
You don't want this, though. It would be good if I gave you some space.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 02:49 am (UTC)[She says, her tone firm but kind and she reaches across to take his hand in hers.]
I'm honestly very surprised to learn that you have feelings for me and I don't hold them against you, because they're feelings and you're allowed to have them. If you were a shitty person, like you keep saying that you are, you would have tried to act on those feelings. But you didn't, because you're a good person, Jason.
And a good friend.
[She pauses for a moment and then smiles.]
Also, and this might be slightly inappropriate to say but I want to be honest with you...I'm also a little bit flattered.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 05:50 pm (UTC)[he knows she doesnt' want this, no matter what she says. of course she doesn't want this. he looks down at their hands when she takes his, but he doesn't make any attempt to do the same.
You say that now, but I fucked all of this up. You think you led me on but you didn't. You weren't being inappropriate, you were just having fun with me.
[he was having fun too. everything about Dawn has been so wonderful. he keeps his gaze downcast when she says she's flattered. he doesn't really know what to say to that. at least she's being nice to him about it, but that makes him feel bad too cause she shouldn't have to be.]
I'm sorry for making things weird between us. But like you said, I haven't acted on it and I won't. Not ever. So you don't gotta worry about that, ok?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 06:36 pm (UTC)Jason, stop calling yourself that. I know that you feel awkward and upset about this but I'm not going to sit here and let you degrade yourself like that. You didn't fuck anything up okay? So far as I'm concerned we are still friends, and as friends we should be able to talk about this without blame.
[Her hand loosens and she rubs her thumb across his knuckles.]
I'm not worried about you putting the moves on me, I know that you respect my relationship with Hank and my boundaries but this is a two way thing so I'd like talk about your boundaries. What are you comfortable with us doing?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 07:03 pm (UTC)he's angry at himself for letting it all out of his head.
maybe she still wants to be friends, but he knows it'll all be different now. they'll never have that good, incredibly easy flow with each other like they did before he opened his stupid mouth, because she'll always be looking out for this now. she'll always feel too weird thinking about if she's leading him on. ]
Comfortable with us doing?
[he asks eventually, finally glancing up at her.]
What do you mean?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 07:27 pm (UTC)I mean things like this? [She gives his hand a comforting squeeze.] Can I still hug you or touch you, or shove you around like before or will that make you feel weird? I'm still comfortable with doing those things but I want to make sure you are as well.
The same goes for topics of conversation, would you like me to stop talking to you about sex and stuff like that?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-28 07:52 pm (UTC)Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable?
geee thanks dw, don't give me a notification or anything..... XD
Date: 2022-03-28 09:27 pm (UTC)So long as you do the same thing.
Does that sound okay to you?
oh wow, i havent gotten a single one either and they're not in my site inbox either D:
Date: 2022-03-28 10:03 pm (UTC)[ there's another moment of hesitation before he slowly curls his fingers around hers. ]
Yeah. That sounds okay.
I don't want things to change between us. You're important to me and I don't wanna lose what we have.
argh I hate it when it does this
From:haha good thing i've been keeping my threads open in my browser. so many tabs haha
From:hahaha I would say sorry but I love all our threads too much ;)
From:hahaha me toooo that's why i wanna be sure i have them all in front of me xD
From:awww <3 also? Jason's crush on Dawn is so adorable
From:it's terrible ;___; lol
From:noooo it's not terrible, it's sweet, angsty and interesting :)
From:it's terrible for his poor heart lol
From:awww Jason :(
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